2009 Please End

A deep, searing breath

a retching cough

rub my eyes

tuck a curl behind my ear

wipe the hot tears off my cheeks

3 faces swimming in my living room

telling me my youngest needs further assesment for Autism

I scoop up my son

I offer them coffee and fudge

he sings Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star into my ear

I squeeze him and rock him

I glance at the clock

one face asks me if I need to leave to pick up my other kids

I say no we have 30 minutes

He laughs, looks at his colleagues and says, "We rocked this.".

Another face grimaces and asks me if I have questions.

Yes.

Can you be wrong?

Can somebody else with more letters behind their surname

deliver better news?

And once my child suceeds beyond all expectations

can his records be sealed so nobody can ever label him?

I need to go to bed,

I need to drive,

I need to drink,

I need to go to the beach and feel the sand beneath my toes,

I need the sound of the surf in my ears,

I need the cold wind to bring fresh tears to my eyes.

I need to yell,

I need to kick,

I need to hit,

And I can't.

I am a mother

and I have to maintain.

I have to smile.

I have to love.

Jump through hoops.

I need help.

Halloween is more stressful than Christmas/Hannukah!

Remember how insanely happy you were at Halloween when you were a kid? Like seriously out of your mind? Even if your family didn't have a ton of money, and you didn't have the best costume in the world, Halloween was almost always guaranteed fun. That's because your Mom did everything.

Last Thursday, Oct. 29th, I started thinking about all the things I needed to get done to get the kids ready for their school parties, parade and then Halloween itself. Which includes dragging my crazy 2 year old along and trying to get him to maintain. Plus all the other usual crap I have to do. I started freaking out!

On my Facebook page I put my concerns in my status update. Sometimes you write something in your status update and everyone ignores you. Sometimes you accidentally start a shit-storm, this time it was a mommy vent-fest! Read below to see what I'm talking about. I have deleted the last names to protect the innocent.




Charlotte: is it me or is it kind of stressful getting kids costumed and to all of their activities on time with a smile on your face?




Beatrice
The sugar high afterwards is the best @@Is your parade today? Was hoping that we got to wrangle kids together on Friday!
October 29 at 9:42am ·

Barbara
Absolutely stressful! Hope you had fun once you got there.
October 29 at 10:30am ·

Sharon
Super stressful, in fact, this morning I was thinking that having kids and keeping crap organized is never ending, especially with school! And what is worse is when I finally show up all in one piece (kids fed and not a mess), I then have to pretend that I am really happy to be wherever the hell I am supposed to be!! :) It's sort of all BS! Last night at I.s swim class, K. was throwing this gigantic tantrum, (i.e. trying to jump in the pool and of course not listening to a damn word I had to say), and I felt like I was the mom from hell, wrestling with her to stay out of the pool, while all the other moms were gorgeous, hair all in place, smiling and watching me!!! :) Sorry, just had to vent! Off to pretend things are easy! :)
October 29 at 10:47am ·

Louise
Come on you guys, you love it and you know it. ( I'm Charlotte's mom)
October 29 at 11:13am ·

Stacy
14 year old still going trick or treating...he dressed up like a girl for years and pulled it off pretty good but now that he cut his hair....
October 29 at 12:02pm ·

Julie
Wait, we have to smile too???



Charlotte (me again)
I am stressing already and nothing starts until tomorrow. I just have to use babysitter time today to prepare for tomorrow's parade, party and baseball class. Also go to Dr.'s appt. bank, pay bills, pick up Mike from school, Target and throw a costume together for Jake that looks like his mother cares about him, even though he doesn't know Halloween from his elbow. And Jake just did something destructive but very impressive to one of our baby gates instead of napping. Tomorrow morning I get to dress them up for Halloween all super cute and fluffy get them to Mike's class party and convince Bekah that's better than going to her party because i can't be in 2 places at once and drag my insane 2 yr. old along who is already giving me chronic shoulder pain because he weighs more than that balloon boy kid who is 6 yrs. old and he constantly wants to run away. Do parade with kids' school, come home and try to feed them lunch and do nap and then baseball class which I hope Mike will behave at and Bekah and Jake will not want to join. I can fake smile through anything but I will be sweaty and have frizzy hair and I refuse to suck in my stomach. Mom it's time to start the Aricept. Love,Charlotte

Charlotte
Just kidding about the Aricept mom, I don't' want you to google that and get mad at me.
October 29 at 1:05pm ·

Charlotte
And if I don't' go get my eyebrows waxed soon people are going to start confusing me with my husband. Ok seriously now I am going to do filing because I am sure Jimmy Hoffa is buried under a pile of bills on my desk.
October 29 at 1:10pm ·

Pamela
Before I had kids I thought all the holiday stuff would be a blast. Now I realize exactly how hard it is and that it is a lot of work. It is not about me having fun, it is about the kids having fun, which is right, but kind of sad - especially since I doubt they are going to remember any of it. I always wanted to be a fun mom, but it is hard to be a fun mom when there is so much work that has to get done and you are the only one doing it. I guess you just have to do the best you can and write off the rest. Otherwise, it will make you crazy. :-)
October 29 at 3:28pm ·

Charlotte
I am less stressed now. I got a lot done today and Sarah helped me with creative ideas. Thank G-d for somebody younger with more energy. This was all sooo much fun when you were a kid, it's BECAUSE YOUR MOMMA DID IT ALL! Now for a walk and pumpkin carving.
October 29 at 3:41pm ·

Linda
I use to love dressing up for Halloween...but with kids, I forget about me and now tomorrow people expect us, teachers, to wear costumes...I don't have one! Where did the days go?
October 29 at 6:09pm ·



I hit a nerve didn't I?

We make it to the parties in time and the kids were adorable. I brought cheese and crackers to Mike's party and then Bekah wanted to go to her party with her peers. So I did end up dragging Jake back and forth between the 2 classrooms and just kept him in his stroller for basically 2 hours.

The parade of 2-5 year old's march to the city hall and the employees and police pass out candy and even the new mayor came out to greet the kids. Some asshole gave the kids whistles though!!! Who does that? I quickly confiscated those.

Halloween day dawns and Jake has a fever. So I stayed home with him while the kids hung out with Erik all day and then went to Auntie M.'s for pizza and trick and treating. Mike started to whine that he was tired before the third house, sure enough he woke up sick on Sunday.

Now it's Monday. Mike has a fever, Jake is healthy ,and surly, and so far (knock on wood) Bekah is healthy. It's 80 degrees today and I am watching Scooby Doo. I want to go to the park!

Below is Bekah as Dorothy and Michael as Optimus Prime. And Chester, Auntie M's dog, as Yoda.

Here's to Thanksgiving!

The Wedding of 2009

Didn't I tell you I was going to show a million pictures when I got back from vacation? First off I just want to give a huge Thank You to all of my guest bloggers. Each one of your posts were amazing and unique, even though some of you covered similar topics, they were not at all redundant.

Erik and I started off our first week long vacation in 3 years with two romantic nights in San Francisco. This was so we could store extra energy for the week in San Diego with our kids that lay before us. The last week-long vacation Erik and I took together, was when he had his vasectomy and a benign tumor removed from his neck on the same day, and needed a week to recover from the surgery. At the time I was pregnant with Jake and already experiencing early labor pains. To say that this vacation was long overdue is an understatement.

We only have 3 pictures of San Francisco because all we did was eat and sleep. Food, booze, sleep, food, booze, sleep. Then we went home and packed for San Diego. Do you like my new sailboat hat?

Note to self: that tube top makes you look like you have a bigger beer belly than you already have.

The flight to San Diego was Bekah and Jake's first and Mike's third. But Mike was so young the other 2 flights that this is the one he will remember. My mom flew with us so the adult to child ratio was 1:1. That's still not enough. The flight was fairly uneventful. Mike got squirrely towards the end so I had to hiss at him a few times but Jake (and Erik) fell asleep so that was a blessing.

As we filed off the plane Mike was invited briefly into the cockpit. He took one look around and said,"Is this all for real?". That got a good laugh.

Do not ever rent from Enterprise. They took FOREVER to bring our dirty mini-van to us and in the meantime Jake peed right through his diaper. I was not well prepared so he ran around the front of the car rental building wearing a shirt, shoes and diaper, no pants.

After we checked into our hotel it wasn't long before my Dad, step-mom Cherie and my brother Bill showed up! We followed Bill to his house for a barbecue. Below is a pic of Jake wearing one of Bill's helmets. For those who are new to this blog, I forgot to mention that my brother Bill is a Navy SEAL, and I went to San Diego to attend his wedding. And for all the ladies who read this blog who think my brother is hot, I also forgot to mention that his friends are hotter. I followed around his roommate Joe making small-talk, but really I was just looking at his fabulous butt. Then of course one of my sons and my husband stepped in dog shit so I had to deal with that.

Bekah wearing Bill's helmet.

My brother and his wife are animal lovers and very nice people. That means when Bill's buddies go to Iraq, or some other shithole on our planet, Bill and Ari watch their dogs. What I don't understand is why are the dogs stinky? Even when these dogs are clean they are stinky, strange coincidence. This dog even has a mohawk down his back. Bill thinks it makes him look like a lion, it doesn't. And that's Michael of course, my brother's clone.

Beautiful Bekah in Bill and Ari's very cute kitchen. I love their house.

After the bbq we went back to the hotel where the kids took forever to settle down and Jake fell head first out of his crib. Luckily his head is made of concrete. The next day we went to Lego Land. I know I am almost 39 years old but I had an AWESOME time! I highly recommend this to parents with kids 7 years old and under. The park is clean, food wasn't too bad and it's packed with fun stuff to do. Bring a change of clothes though because there are some water-themed activities and you get soaked.

Yes that pumpkin is made of Legos. Cool huh? Bill came with us but Ari had to run errands for the wedding. Mike asked where Aunt Ari was and Bill said, "Aunt Ari is doing girl things and that takes a looooong time and costs a lot of money.". Ahmen brother and don't you forget it.

My mom and I were on the boat ahead of them taking pictures. Jake stayed in the stroller with Erik because we trying to get him to nap. Fail.

Universal rule for theme parks: keep hands and feet inside the ride. See the boat listing to one side? Mike was convinced he was making it move faster. I was losing my mind and Bill could care less.

Thank you G-d for ice cream cones.

Bekah has a goatee just like her father.

After Lego Land, Erik, my brother, my Dad and some of buddies of Bill all went to a baseball game. My mom and I got lost driving around but eventually found a really tasty Mexican restaurant. The next day we went out to a breakfast place called the Waffle Spot which had a fountain out front. Jake tried to swim in it but the food was good. My youngest brother Brandon and his wife Amanda joined us. After breakfast we went to the wedding rehearsal at the Japanese Friendship Gardens in Balboa Park. Absolutely beautiful but we discovered they were getting married right in front of a Koi pond. Jake tried to swim in it and it was kind of stressful. Jake spent his time throwing himself on the ground in protest. Mike didn't behave much better. Bekah was well-behaved. Did I mention my brother's friends are hot?

Erik took the kids back to the hotel for swimming and Jake napped while Brandon and Amanda watched him. My mom and I went with Ari, her sisters and her friends and got manis and pedis and had lunch. Perfect. Below is a picture of Jake at the rehearsal dinner that evening, we accidentally stole that monster truck from some other kid.

Very cute picture of my mom and Jake at the rehearsal dinner.

My youngest brother Brandon and his wonderful wife Amanda.

Ok I am posting this series of pictures to let you know what my personal Hell would consist of. My personal Hell would be to have to live in Texas and be a professional children's photographer and eat avocado for the rest of my life. I can't think of anything worse. Erik and I always marvel when we see kids sit nicely to have their pictures taken. Our kids DO NOT do that. See below as I yell at Mike.

Unsuccessful parenting moment caught on film as I smack my oldest upside his head. I am not proud. Jake is mesmerized by his mother losing her temper and I have no idea who Bekah is talking to.

Elbowing Mike.

Ok now everyone look at the same place at the same time and smile!! Jake looks like he wants to die and Bekah is still in another world.

I just want one decent family picture.

Seems like a good time to pick your nose.

G-d forbid we forget the other nostril.

Examining what he found in his nose.

Clearly he didn't finish emptying that side of his nose. We have completely lost Bekah and Mike.

Whatever.

The next morning we went back to the Waffle Spot. Bad idea. There now hangs a poster with a picture of Jake saying, "Do Not Serve This Customer". We went back to the hotel for swimming and primping. It's wedding time!!!

Bekah was perfect in her flower girl duties with 2 of Ari's nieces. Mike walked down the aisle with the ringbearer's pillow on his head, but he walked. I held Jake's hand, and the pillow, and he lunged for the Koi pond but didn't protest too much when I tugged him away. Bekah was able to stand for the entire ceremony and she was gorgeous. Mike was able to stand but only because one of my brother's hot friends put his large hands firmly on his shoulders and occasionally covered Mike's mouth with his hand. Jake lasted about 5 minutes before Erik had to whisk him far away.

That's the best family picture we have ever taken. Jake is eating a lollypop. The wedding was perfect. The setting, food, weather, music. It all went flawlessly. I did my reading without stuttering, or crying, even though Mike was running around me trying to get the microphone. We had a wonderful time and I didn't get enough pictures so I can't wait to see the professional ones.

Jake is devilishly handsome! Erik bought me those coral earrings in San Francisco.

The day after the wedding we went to Seaworld but this is the only picture I took. I was just too tired. Jake drank water from this tide pool, several times, it was disgusting.

My brother, my son, a megaphone; always a bad idea! But we had a wonderful time and I miss them like crazy.



For those who are friends with me on Facebook you can skip this anecdote. After another decent flight home, Jake once again blew out his diaper. But this time it wasn't just pee. As we boarded the shuttle bus to take us to the long-term parking lot my mom and I sniffed the air and looked at each other in alarm. Sigh, ok no biggie I will change him when we get to the van. It was a short ride and as we were leaving my mom pointed behind me asked, "Did you drop something?". No, I didn't but Jake did!! He dropped something right out of his diaper! A giant poo rolled down his leg and was laying on the floor of the shuttle bus. I shooed everyone off the bus and told my mom to watch the kids while I went back to clean it up. Then it took 3 adults to change Jake's atrocious diaper on the ground of the parking lot. My mom had to watch the other kids, I did the dirty deed, and Erik had to open all the luggage looking for more wipes after I used practically a whole box wiping Jake from his belly button to his toes. My mom also walked the bag of poopy diaper, poopy wipes, poopy socks, and poopy jeans across the parking lot to the garbage can. Miraculously there was no poo on his shirt and I refused to throw the shoes away because they weren't hand-me-downs. Jake rode home in a shirt and diaper and I was twitching from P.T.S.D. for the rest of the afternoon.

Otherwise we had a wonderful time!!!

Fairyland and the 1st Day of Kindergarten

Wow I have really been neglecting the family blog. I did finally get around to uploading these cute pics from Fairyland in Oakland. We went there with our dear friend Auntie Laura who nannies for 2 cute kids.

Bekah being a surly 3 year old.

Auntie Laura and her nanny monkey.

I just bought Bekah a Dorothy costume for Halloween yesterday! So damn cute!!

Mike is going to be Optimus Prime.

Old school puppet show.

The weather was perfect that day.

Updates:

Mike started kindergarten and is mostly doing great!

Our trip to San Diego for Bill's wedding was perfect except I was hiding the fact that I was really sick and ended up in the hospital for 3 nights when we got home.

My stay in the hospital has contributed to Mike having some bad days at school.

The medications make me cry and I hate crying!!!!

I am looking forward to October and 2010!

Shameless Self-Promotion

Check out my other blog for a list of great summer reading!!

Breakfast in Bed

I wanted to show my husband how grateful I was to him for taking care of me this weekend. I made him some french toast and strawberries to be eaten in bed, alone. I needed Mike's help opening the baby gates and bedroom door so I could bring the tray up to Erik. I said to Michael,"Wake up Daddy quietly and gently.

"HEY DADDY, WAKE UP, BREAKFAST IN BED!!!.".

Mike said, "Mom I am going to stay up here and keep Daddy company ok?".
"Hey Daddy I can pour your syrup for you?".
"Hey Daddy can I smell your coffee?".

I brought them the S.F. Chronicle and they went through the electronics ads and comics together. And yes that is a SpongeBob Squarepants towel on my bed I was worried about getting syrup and coffee on my down comforter. Especially since Mike was wiggling around next to Erik.

I am really enjoying this 5 year old stage. They are still small enough to be cute and the stuff Mike comes up with sometimes just cracks me up!!

Mike is old enough now to figure out that his grandma isn't married to his grandpa. I had my mom in the van with us the other day when he figured it out. My mom and I looked at each other and she confirmed that her and Grandpa Rankin were no longer married (for 35 years but we didnt' tell him that) and then she gushed on about how wonderful Grandma Cherie is. That's my beloved step-mom and she is wonderful and her and my Dad have been married for over 20 years. To top off that conversation Mike burped and said, "Yummy donuts!". Which had me and my mom laughing hysterically because the last time Mike had donuts was 3 hours ago, gross! Only a 5 year old would think it's yummy to burp up 3 hour old donuts.

I thought this conversation was over but as we drove home hours later, Mike suddenly blurts out,
"Hey Mom?"
"Yes"
"Grandpa dumped Grandma?"
I swear to G-d I swerved. I was laughing so hard I almost had to pull over, especially since I was driving over Highway 17, a very dangerous 2 lane mountain freeway.
"No! Grandpa didn't dump Grandma! They just weren't best friends anymore."

Dumped?! I can't believe he used the word dumped in a sentence regarding his grandparents' divorce. Hilarious.

I am Alone

All 3 kids are in camp this morning! 9a-1pm M,W, and F. of this week they are in a day camp at our temple. I seriously can't decide what to do with myself.

Do I go get a mani/pedi, go shopping, drive home and masturbate with my bedroom door wide open? Nope. The first thing I did was finish filling out their paperwork, because of course I can't leave them there without it, and I hadn't done it yet. I am a master procrastinator. That took me a fucking hour and 15 minutes! Is this day camp or the secret service. Damn!

Jake cried when I left but he's in good hands, and Mike and Bekah were consoling him. I felt a twinge of sadness but it was fleeting. As soon as I saw the Starbucks sign I was over it. Now I am sitting here with my laptop, a quad shot non-fat mocha, a 1/2 eaten banana and I still don't know what the hell to do with myself.

I guess I will start with some blogging and schedule them to be posted periodically throughout the summer. You probably figured out that I gave up on my Weekly Weight Watchers recipes. Commitment is a challenge for me, probably why I didn't get married until I was 32 years old. I will post a recipe here and there, especially since I would really like to lose at least 5 more pounds before my 20 year high school reunion August 29th. But the weekly thing was an idea suited for somebody way more organized than I am.

Wednesday I do have an appointment and during this free time maybe I will go see the dentist and get my hair colored. That's not frivolity, the gray is coming in with vengenance. I believe I shall go as blonde as my eyebrows will let me. Why not?

I want to have fun and enjoy myself but I feel the need to balance this alone time with some real errands or work since my poor husband is slaving away at the moment.

Speaking of my husband we had a fight last week. We never fight. We snap at each other now and then, because we get tired and irritable but that's about it. Last week I was gently informing him that since my brother is getting married in September there are a bridal shower and a bacherlorette party on the books and I need his call schedule so I can figure out which one to go to. Of course I am leaning towards the bacherlorette party since that will be more fun. Well you think that I had asked him to serve me his balls on a platter.

He got all quiet and pouty looking and I asked him, "Are you pouting?". And he said, "A little." And I asked, "Why?". And he said, "Because you just got back from a bacherlorette weekend and left me with the kids.". "Well honey you are welcome to have a weekend alone with your guy friends too. You can go on that ski weekend with the guys from the hospital this year. As long as you stay away from the bad, slutty husbands.".

That didn't seem to cheer him up. And a few minutes later he said, "You can only go to one event! I am putting my foot down! You are only allowed to go to one event!".

At first I wanted to laugh hysterically! Then I realized he was serious. Dark anger washed over me, I had to take deep breaths, I was standing next to a block of knives, my hands were slippery from washing dishes, this could get very ugly.

Of course I was only planning to go to one event, not both. I may be a lot of things but I am not unfair. I wouldn't like it if he left me alone multiple weekends to party with his friends and family. Having kids is about sacrifice and I don't expect to have the carefree social life I used to lead. But I wasn't going to tell him that now, he pissed me off! And this wasn't drinking with my girlfriends, these are wedding events, for family, my brother!!!

I have come a long way baby when it comes to my anger management. I resisted the urge to yell and throw stuff and swear and call names. Well almost. I said, "What are you a fucking Promise Keeper?!". You know those right-wing Christian men that promise to uphold their marriage vows but really just boss their wives around? Erik said, "What?!" I said through clenched teeth, "You can't put your foot down and tell me what to do. What if this was your family member getting married? Do you think I wouldn't let you go?!." Then it deteriorated into the age old he works and I stay home and eat Bons Bons fight. Nice.

I walked away from that and went back to my Bons Bons, and dishes and kitchen floor and yelling at the kids. Then we both calmed down.

I sat on his lap and he apologized and said he was just really tired and he didn't mean to say that. And I said, "Honey I was only going to go to one event anyways, I am not an asshole. And you can go out and party with your buddies anytime, seriously, I owe you." . So we made up and it's all good!

I just didn't want you to think my life was perfect.

Del Mar High School's 20 Year Reunion, Pre-Party

I am behind in my blogging but I have been having a great summer! Last week I was without a decent laptop because one of my sons gnawed through the wire on AC adaptor. So while I waited for that to be delivered I dragged out an old laptop from our ewaste pile and, well, it was TORTURE!

I had a mini high school reunion last weekend at a friend's house in Watsonville. We were having this pre-party because 2 of my friends live out of the country and won't be here for the real reunion in August. Kellie lives in Honduras and Jen lives in Australia. So our friend Julie opened up her home to us. It was perfect! Especially since her kids are 16 and 17 years old and the rest of us have toddlers.

Julie told me that I would be sleeping in a trailer with my 3 kids (my husband was on-call that weekend) but it was more like a cabin. It was so cute with a woodburning stove and wingback chairs. There was a kitchen, bathroom and a queen and a double bed. I took the double bed, and gave Mike and Bekah the queen. Jake was in his porta-crib but Jake and Bekah eventually all ended up in my sleeping bag with me squished in the middle.


Julie set up her music room downstairs, with window paints, toys, stuff to color with and play-dough. That's Kellie on the left, Jen on the right standing with the cocktail and Linda sitting down.

I have known Kellie and Linda since I was 9 years old, I met Julie in Jr. High and Jen in high school. Jen looks exactly the same, beautiful. Me and Linda tend to drink more beer than others.

Jen's daughter made this nice poem about Margaritas, hilarious!

Kellie was opening some red window paint for her daughter and accidentally poured it on Jake's head. As you can see she was more concerned than he was.

Linda's son. Freaking Cutest Boy!!!! I would die for his eyelashes. Him and my Bekah hit it off immediately. We need to get them together for a playdate and drink ourselves some beers.

Bekah and Jake enjoying the trampoline. Remember when we went camping and Jake was throwing rocks in the creek for Henry the rock fetching dog? Well Julie owns 4 goats and Jake was trying to throw rocks into their pen to make them fetch them. He was laughing and I was apologizing.

Awesome view.

This is Julie and she is not only pretty and a gracious hostess but she made these crepes at midnight that kicked ass.

Jake had too many margaritas. Just kidding. I wish my kitchen floor looked that clean.

7 kids and 2 teenagers and no meltdowns! We lucked out! They were perfect angels.

Towards the end of the night I was feeling as fuzzy as this picture.

I didn't bother going straight home from Julie's the next morning. I left the nice cool weather of the coast and headed home to the Alameda County Fair where it was a 103 degrees. I have a wagon with a canopy that I can load all 3 kids into and we drank a gallon of lemonade each. I had sweat dripping off my chin, gross. But we had fun and it was the last day so I felt obligated to go. Mike is in the yellow t-shirt onstage with this silly band and Bekah is in the red t-shirt playing that tin can.

The real 20 year high school reunion is August 29th but it won't be as much fun as we had at Julie's house.