Monday, July 27, 2009

I am Alone

All 3 kids are in camp this morning! 9a-1pm M,W, and F. of this week they are in a day camp at our temple. I seriously can't decide what to do with myself.

Do I go get a mani/pedi, go shopping, drive home and masturbate with my bedroom door wide open? Nope. The first thing I did was finish filling out their paperwork, because of course I can't leave them there without it, and I hadn't done it yet. I am a master procrastinator. That took me a fucking hour and 15 minutes! Is this day camp or the secret service. Damn!

Jake cried when I left but he's in good hands, and Mike and Bekah were consoling him. I felt a twinge of sadness but it was fleeting. As soon as I saw the Starbucks sign I was over it. Now I am sitting here with my laptop, a quad shot non-fat mocha, a 1/2 eaten banana and I still don't know what the hell to do with myself.

I guess I will start with some blogging and schedule them to be posted periodically throughout the summer. You probably figured out that I gave up on my Weekly Weight Watchers recipes. Commitment is a challenge for me, probably why I didn't get married until I was 32 years old. I will post a recipe here and there, especially since I would really like to lose at least 5 more pounds before my 20 year high school reunion August 29th. But the weekly thing was an idea suited for somebody way more organized than I am.

Wednesday I do have an appointment and during this free time maybe I will go see the dentist and get my hair colored. That's not frivolity, the gray is coming in with vengenance. I believe I shall go as blonde as my eyebrows will let me. Why not?

I want to have fun and enjoy myself but I feel the need to balance this alone time with some real errands or work since my poor husband is slaving away at the moment.

Speaking of my husband we had a fight last week. We never fight. We snap at each other now and then, because we get tired and irritable but that's about it. Last week I was gently informing him that since my brother is getting married in September there are a bridal shower and a bacherlorette party on the books and I need his call schedule so I can figure out which one to go to. Of course I am leaning towards the bacherlorette party since that will be more fun. Well you think that I had asked him to serve me his balls on a platter.

He got all quiet and pouty looking and I asked him, "Are you pouting?". And he said, "A little." And I asked, "Why?". And he said, "Because you just got back from a bacherlorette weekend and left me with the kids.". "Well honey you are welcome to have a weekend alone with your guy friends too. You can go on that ski weekend with the guys from the hospital this year. As long as you stay away from the bad, slutty husbands.".

That didn't seem to cheer him up. And a few minutes later he said, "You can only go to one event! I am putting my foot down! You are only allowed to go to one event!".

At first I wanted to laugh hysterically! Then I realized he was serious. Dark anger washed over me, I had to take deep breaths, I was standing next to a block of knives, my hands were slippery from washing dishes, this could get very ugly.

Of course I was only planning to go to one event, not both. I may be a lot of things but I am not unfair. I wouldn't like it if he left me alone multiple weekends to party with his friends and family. Having kids is about sacrifice and I don't expect to have the carefree social life I used to lead. But I wasn't going to tell him that now, he pissed me off! And this wasn't drinking with my girlfriends, these are wedding events, for family, my brother!!!

I have come a long way baby when it comes to my anger management. I resisted the urge to yell and throw stuff and swear and call names. Well almost. I said, "What are you a fucking Promise Keeper?!". You know those right-wing Christian men that promise to uphold their marriage vows but really just boss their wives around? Erik said, "What?!" I said through clenched teeth, "You can't put your foot down and tell me what to do. What if this was your family member getting married? Do you think I wouldn't let you go?!." Then it deteriorated into the age old he works and I stay home and eat Bons Bons fight. Nice.

I walked away from that and went back to my Bons Bons, and dishes and kitchen floor and yelling at the kids. Then we both calmed down.

I sat on his lap and he apologized and said he was just really tired and he didn't mean to say that. And I said, "Honey I was only going to go to one event anyways, I am not an asshole. And you can go out and party with your buddies anytime, seriously, I owe you." . So we made up and it's all good!

I just didn't want you to think my life was perfect.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Del Mar High School's 20 Year Reunion, Pre-Party

I am behind in my blogging but I have been having a great summer! Last week I was without a decent laptop because one of my sons gnawed through the wire on AC adaptor. So while I waited for that to be delivered I dragged out an old laptop from our ewaste pile and, well, it was TORTURE!

I had a mini high school reunion last weekend at a friend's house in Watsonville. We were having this pre-party because 2 of my friends live out of the country and won't be here for the real reunion in August. Kellie lives in Honduras and Jen lives in Australia. So our friend Julie opened up her home to us. It was perfect! Especially since her kids are 16 and 17 years old and the rest of us have toddlers.

Julie told me that I would be sleeping in a trailer with my 3 kids (my husband was on-call that weekend) but it was more like a cabin. It was so cute with a woodburning stove and wingback chairs. There was a kitchen, bathroom and a queen and a double bed. I took the double bed, and gave Mike and Bekah the queen. Jake was in his porta-crib but Jake and Bekah eventually all ended up in my sleeping bag with me squished in the middle.


Julie set up her music room downstairs, with window paints, toys, stuff to color with and play-dough. That's Kellie on the left, Jen on the right standing with the cocktail and Linda sitting down.




I have known Kellie and Linda since I was 9 years old, I met Julie in Jr. High and Jen in high school. Jen looks exactly the same, beautiful. Me and Linda tend to drink more beer than others.





Jen's daughter made this nice poem about Margaritas, hilarious!





Kellie was opening some red window paint for her daughter and accidentally poured it on Jake's head. As you can see she was more concerned than he was.






Linda's son. Freaking Cutest Boy!!!! I would die for his eyelashes. Him and my Bekah hit it off immediately. We need to get them together for a playdate and drink ourselves some beers.





Bekah and Jake enjoying the trampoline. Remember when we went camping and Jake was throwing rocks in the creek for Henry the rock fetching dog? Well Julie owns 4 goats and Jake was trying to throw rocks into their pen to make them fetch them. He was laughing and I was apologizing.









Awesome view.








This is Julie and she is not only pretty and a gracious hostess but she made these crepes at midnight that kicked ass.











Jake had too many margaritas. Just kidding. I wish my kitchen floor looked that clean.











7 kids and 2 teenagers and no meltdowns! We lucked out! They were perfect angels.











Towards the end of the night I was feeling as fuzzy as this picture.













I didn't bother going straight home from Julie's the next morning. I left the nice cool weather of the coast and headed home to the Alameda County Fair where it was a 103 degrees. I have a wagon with a canopy that I can load all 3 kids into and we drank a gallon of lemonade each. I had sweat dripping off my chin, gross. But we had fun and it was the last day so I felt obligated to go. Mike is in the yellow t-shirt onstage with this silly band and Bekah is in the red t-shirt playing that tin can.






The real 20 year high school reunion is August 29th but it won't be as much fun as we had at Julie's house.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Vegas

WTF!!! The morning I am to leave for Vegas I wake up to see that I have started my period! This is a huge deal because I have not had a period since March of 2005. Almost 3 years with out a menstrual cycle and it couldn't wait until I came back from Vegas? The Universe has a sick sense of humor. So it's Pamprin and vodka crans for the rest of the weekend.


Ok I will only say it once,"What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas."


Actually it wasn't that crazy. I mean don't worry there was excessive drinking, gambling and semi-nudity, just nothing too scandulous. Considering there was 14 of us, everything went flawlessly. No drama, no puking. I even got some shopping in.

We saw the show Zumanity which is Cirque de Soleil except practically naked. Our friend Martine remarked that she feels inadequate in the bedroom now and feels compelled to add some backflips into her sex life.

While I was stuffing my face at a mediocre buffett Merrill and Chris got to shake hands with Bill Clinton as he was exiting an elevator at Paris. Ugh so jealous. But I did get to see the hot and hunky guy who plays the plumber from Desperate Housewives.

Sunday we had dinner at the VooDoo lounge at the top of the Rio. Dinner was tasty but the club scene was a blast. We went outside on the deck even though it was freezing but the view was worth it. We saw a woman who was easily in her '70's making out with a man in his 30's and then on our way out a girl who was 350 if she was an ounce was practically fornicating with a guy who weighed less than I do, awesome! Just before catching our cab we saw a wasted woman in a wheelchair being pushed by a security guard wearing latex gloves as she puked into a styrofoam cup, good times.

I was very happy to see my sweet monkeys but they have been punishing ever since we returned with horrible middle of the night behaviours. Also Jake is sick again!

Summer is for Re-runs

The post below was originally written in Janurary of 2008. I am posting re-runs because it's summer and I am a lazy ass.
Enjoy!

Monday, July 20, 2009

Our Trip to Santa Cruz

My mom rented herself a beautiful studio for a whole week at the Seascape Resort in Aptos, California. It was to be a week alone but she graciously invited me and Auntie M. and all of our offspring to spend a night with her. We shattered her peace into a million pieces, but we had a great time!

As soon as we got into the room Bekah, Kaitlyn and Haley all piled onto my mom's cozy bed.
Merrill and I enjoyed a beer and the view with my mom and then we suited everyone up and hit the beach. It has private access and they will cart your sandy ass back up the hill in huge golf carts driven by cute guys. There is my skinny Mike.


Kaitlyn just turned 11 years old. Can we say heartbreaker?




This is my future heartbreaker Bekah Boo.



I have one lean son and one tank. Jake continued to throw sand in the air even though it continued to get in his eyes. He's a little slow on the uptake sometimes. That's the beautiful resort on the hill in the background.





Remember that beer we drank? They don't have public restrooms on this beach.






After we hitched a ride back up to the resort we had another drink poolside. Their pool was warm and very kid friendly. We washed up and went to a pizza parlor for dinner that was within walking distance. After dinner some other cute guys from the resort built us a bonfire on the beach and brought us makings for smores. Those white boxes pictured below hold all the ingredients and we used those sticks to do the roasting.






Aforementioned cute guy took a family picture of us. From left to right back row first, Kaitlyn, my mother Louise (Grandma Wheeze), Auntie M, me Charlotte holding Jake, front row Bekah, Haley and Mike.






Mix melted marshmallow and add sand and you have cement.










Oh no! Oscar Garfield Super Flying Cat of the World the Second got melted marshmallow on him. I cleaned him with a wipe and everyone was happy.











Mike and the sunset.











Bekah watching the sunset with Auntie M










I can see the woman she will grow into in this picture.









Cuddling with Kaitlyn.





















In the foreground was an air mattress shared by me and Auntie M. In the main bed my mom and Kaitlyn slept. Out of sight on the other side of the bed was another air mattress with Haley and Bekah. We put Mike by himself on some couch cushions because he was too wiggly to share a bed with. And Jake was in the portable crib. We packed that room to the ceiling and the amount of sand in that room could have been used to build a sand castle.











We had a lovely breakfast in my mom's room of bagels, fruit, donuts and coffee. Auntie M and the girls headed back to San Ramon for a swim meet and we headed to a park. After the park we had an awesome lunch where Bekah was so awful I had to yank her out of her seat and take her outside to talk. She was screaming in a very small restaurant because Mike got his lemonade before she did. People were covering their ears and staring at me. I was so embarassed. She pulled it together for our lunch but she was still fairly whiny when we took them to the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk.



















Here is Bekah's, "No I don't want ice cream!", face. Obviously she was saying no for the sake of saying no. Who the hell says no to ice cream?! Criminally insane 3 year olds do.















This is my favorite picture from our trip. That's my mom and Mike on the Caveland Adventure Train. My mom spoiled my kids like crazy! Video games, she bought tickets for all the rides, cotton candy, ice cream, they were in Heaven! And my mom and I took turns watching the kids while we went on the Giant Dipper. She let me go first and it is still the best roller coaster in the Universe. My butt actually caught some air and my teeth rattled!
The kids passed out on the way home, even Michael. This is turning out to be a fantastic summer.
























Saturday, July 18, 2009

Be Back Soon!

Sorry I haven't been around lately! Went to the beach and the boardwalk in Santa Cruz ealier this week and now we are taking off for the coast again today. Just me and my 3 since Erik is on-call all weekend. I will have pictures and posts galore when I come back. I miss my blogging buddies.

In the meantime wish me luck dealing with my 3 year old. Her whining is making my ears bleed.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

My Lazy Ass Weekend

Yesterday I did not shower or wear a bra all day. I was so lazy it was ridiculous. And today doesn't look much more productive.

Friday night I went to a sex toys party at Auntie M's and that was a blast. In fact it was sooo much fun my husband let me sleep in until 10am! I was hanging a little.

At 10:30am Saint Sarah, my kids' babysitter, picked up Michael for the day. On her own time and money she took him to the Academy of Sciences in San Francisco for his birthday gift. I offered her money but she wouldn't take it! Sarah also bought him lunch, a t-shirt, a toy and toys for Jake and Bekah. Can you understand why I call her a Saint? And no you can't have her phone number, she's mine, all mine!

Then my dear husband woke up from his nap and took Bekah to the gym with him and I put Jake down for a nap and slithered back into bed for another hour. LAZY!

I did manage to do some laundry, dishes and housecleaning and I took a picture of this cute faun below. But the majority of Saturday my ass was planted firmly on my couch with my laptop open. And I discovered the addictive properties of twitter. At first I just didn't get the concept, I update my status on Facebook all of the time why would I need twitter? But the whole Iran revolution thing got me hooked, and now I am finding all kinds of interesting characters out there. In fact I guess I was hungover enough yesterday to be gullible enough to think this guy was real. His stage name is Billy Bob Neck and he posted a petition on twitter for fetal consent to abortion. WTF?! It was so obviously a joke but I was moving so slow yesterday I thought it was for real. I actually sent him an outraged twitter. He is actually a comedian, and Billy Bob Neck is his character. How embarassing that I didn't figure it out right away.

So after we put the kids to bed I made an awesome steak and potato salad with a horseradish and red wine vineagrette. Erik and I drank 2 bottles of champagne and watched Jack Ass 2 (the movie). Being married to your best friend is, well, it's the best!!

This morning started off with Erik dragging both Bekah and Jake into our bed at 6am. Then he promptly fell back asleep and started snoring while they tortured me. So I kicked them all out of bed and slept until 8:45am. I relieved Erik so he could nap and I downed a pot of coffee and once again wasted time on the internet. After the caffiene kicked in I did manage to some more housecleaning and cooked everyone lunch. The steak and potatoes from last night scrambled up with some eggs, cheese, broccoli and red bell pepper made an awesome lunch.

I put Jake down for a nap, I showered and Erik took Mike and Bekah to the park to hang out with some of their buddies. I was holding the broom in my hand when they walked out the door but as soon as I heard the garage door close............well here I am again. Loser!

In my defense next week is going to be insanely busy:

Monday= Gym and swimming.

Tuesday= Going overnight to Santa Cruz with my monkeys, Auntie M, the cousins and crashing at a room my mom is renting for the week. That should be fun but exhausting. When my boys are around even a puddle of water they lose their minds, so the Pacific Ocean should be exciting for them. Bekah is a little more refined.

Wednesday= Recovery

Thursday= After the kids' morning music class, I have Saint Sarah all day. Grocery shopping, paying bills, filing, and if Erik is not on-call I would love to take him out to an early dinner date.

Friday= Single motherhood for me the entire weekend! Erik is scheduled to be on-call, which means he will be at the hospital most of the time.

Saturday=Going back to the Santa Cruz area for a mini high school reunion. I have a friend home from Australia and a friend home from Honduras and we are all meeting up at another friend's farm in Monterey. We are all bringing our small kids, doing bbq and potluck,playing music, and some clothing optional hot tubbing. We are spending the night too so nobody has to drive after beer and margaritas. My husband is very sad that he has to work both Tuesday and next weekend, these are his kind of events.

Sunday=Recovery.

So next week's busy schedule is my excuse for this weekend's extreme laziness. I did manage to shower today, but I am still not wearing a bra!



Saturday, July 11, 2009

Sex Toys On My Other Blog


Check out the good times on my other blog N.E.O. Moms (Not Easily Offended Moms)

Friday, July 10, 2009

Getting Married Again


My brother Bill and his wife Ari's save the date picture. They are legally married but now they are doing the big ceremony in September in San Diego. I can hardly wait!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

4th of July Vacation Camping 2009

Our 4th of July weekend was spectacular! That's why I haven't been around lately, I was camping, and since it's summer I am trying to spend more time with my kids. I want to make this the best summer ever before Michael starts kindergarten.


We went camping on private lands deep inside Sunol Regional Park. This Ranch belongs to Auntie M's in-laws and has been in the family since the 1930s. That's why it's deep in a regional park in the middle of the bay area. And they were really nice to invite me and my savages out there. The picture below is before we pulled out of our driveway, nice and clean.
Less than an hour later we get to the Ranch and the first thing Jake does is play in the dirt.

This is what he looked like all weekend.

The rest of the weekend was spent drinking beer, eating a ton of food, shooting cannonballs out of a homemade cannon and throwing rocks into the creek. Mostly a lot of beer and throwing rocks into the creek.



That's Bekah's rock-throwing face.



We chilled watermelons in the creek old school style.





Jake made a new friend this weekend. This is Henry, a 9 month old labradoodle and he likes to fetch rocks. He actually holds his breath, sticks his head under water and retrieves rocks. And Jake thought that was the funniest thing he had ever seen in his life.






Look at Henry's face dripping with water as he waits for Jake to throw another rock.






The weather was just perfect, not too hot. After swimming and rock-throwing all day Saturday. Most of the camp four-wheeled over the hill to watch fireworks across the Santa Clara Valley. By Sunday my kids were filthy and exhausted.










I had a great weekend buddy, how about you?

Tuesday, July 7, 2009


I am truly torn. I loved Michael Jackson's music and Thriller was the first album I bought with my own money. Money I earned babysitting. But I just can't ignore the strong chance that Michael Jackson was a pedophile who molested children.
I know he was acquitted in a court of law, but acquitted does not mean innocent. You just can't ignore 10 counts of felony child abuse.
Having said all that, I am putting aside my feelings of disgust aside for 1 day. One day to honor, not him as a sick grown man, but to honor him as the young and extraordinarily talented child.
For just one day I am going to ignore the outrage I feel about our cash-strapped state having to pay roughly $4million for the security and structure of this funeral.
I am going to set my Tivo before I go to the gym, and run errands. Considering the celebrity line-up that is being rumored to attend , and perform, his funeral should provide me some great t.v. to watch while I fold laundry. Let's see; Mariah Carey, John Mayer, Stevie Wonder, Jennifer Hudson and possibly Queen Latifah. Maybe some Jackson siblings will sing or speak. Maybe some other celebrities will perform or speak.
A loose itinerary is listed below, but I am watching MSNBC right now, and it looks like they are already running an hour behind.


Schedule of events:
(All times Pacific)
8:00 a.m. - Doors to the Staples Center open.
9:00 a.m. - Live feed from outside the Staples Center begins.
9:30 a.m. - Live shots of celebrity arrivals.
10:30 a.m. - Ceremony begins with live coverage on five different TV networks.
1:00 p.m. - Live coverage of memorial scheduled to end.
R.I.P. Michael Jackson, the young boy.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

4th of July Vacation

Hey Everyone,
Sorry I haven't been around but now that my kids are healthy we have started to enjoy our summer. My husband's grandmother is also visiting from Phoenix, Az. and we of course want to give her a lot of attention. This weekend we are camping here in the bay area on private ranch lands.

This weekend will consist of happy kids, food, beer, fireworks, beer, a homemade cannon, beer, some more food, beer, swimming, beer, card games, beer, Scrabble, beer, horseshoes, beer, dessert, beer, dogs, beer, dirt, beer and oh yeah some beer.

I hope your weekend is just as good.

My header pic is my younger bro Bill. He is a Navy Seal hence the big gun. He is home safe and probably surfing all weekend in San Diego.
Support our troops!