Toddler Vandalism

Before we moved into this house roughly 18 months ago, it was pristine. A family that had 1 eight year old girl lived here. Then we moved in with a 3 year old, a 22 month old and a 7 month old. Now this house is far less than pristine.

The once white walls are scuffed, chipped and dented. This what happens when hot wheels are driven on the walls and Jake and Mike like to take a Radio Flyer Rocket and slam it into the walls. This act of vandalism leaves cone shaped dents. We even have an exposed nail head.

We have had to have the carpets cleaned at least 4 times already. I still have one more kid to potty train and then I want all new carpeting.

The worst act of vandalism my savage toddlers have inflicted is what they have done to this once intact screen door.

Need any demolition done? My crew will work for candy.

Weekly < 30 minute Recipe #1

I need to look smoking hot for my 20 year high school reunion, or at least luke warm. So I need to lose weight. So I need to eat healthy. Fuck Rachel Ray, I need recipes that are less than 30 minutes. Erik and I eat usually eat after the kids are in bed, so I need something that I can make in less than 30 minutes because I am just too damn tired to remain standing any longer than that.


I was half-heartedly following this woman's blog where she made 365 crockpot recipes. One for every day of the year. That is super cool. I am not that organized. How about I promise at least one less than 30 minute recipe a week?


This first one I made the other night and it was super tasty! Bacon-Cheese-Turkey-Burger with Special Sauce. I figured out the Weight Watcher's points for it as well, if you are into that kind of thing.


Bacon-Cheese-Turkey Burger with Special Sauce


Sauce:
1 Tbs. Mayonaisse
1 Tbs. Fat free Sour Cream
2 Tbs. ketchup
1 tsp. sweet pickle relish
Dash of Tabasco
Dash of Apple Cider Vinegar
Stir all together and throw in fridge, until you need it.

Burgers:
1.25 lb. package Lean ground turkey meat
1 Tbs. bacon bits (real bacon I used Hormel brand found in salad dressing aisle)
1/4 Garlic-Herb bread crumbs
1 tsp. onion soup mix (optional)
1 egg beaten
As much chopped lettuce as you desire.

Make the sauce and toss in fridge. Beat egg in large bowl, add ground turkey meat, add bread crumbs, onion soup mix (or salt and pepper), and bacon bits. Take off rings and mix with your hands and form into 4 patties.


Toss onto a hot frying pan, brown both sides, maybe 2 minutes each side or more. Reduce heat and cook, covered if you want, until center is no longer pink. I am bad at times because I cook from my brain, sorry.


So if you serve this on lettuce with special sauce spooned on top you are looking at 5.5 pt.s This is for one patty and 2 hefty Tbs. of Special Sauce. I ate a patty on my fave sliced sourdough bread which is 6 points per slice! That's a lot! That means I was looking at 11.5 points per serving! So I would reccomend serving this over a bed of lettuce.


My husband loved it and ate 2 patties and 2 slices of bread earning him 23 points!!! That is more than I am allowed to eat on Weight Watchers for the whole day, asshole.

Bragging

The other day I suggested everyone in my new and improved mom's club brag on their kids. We so often have to hold back because of our good manners, and let those other mom's ramble on about their less than superior children. So I thought it would be very therapeutic for us well-mannered moms to let loose about just how fabulous our children are.



Let's see, here are my brags:

Mike= My firstborn, is the best at making up songs. They are mostly inappropriate, but after I gripe at him to clean up his language, I go around the corner and crack up. His sense of humor is awesome.

He also has a way better sense of direction than I do (that's not hard), we won't go somewhere for a year, and he totally knows where we are and which way to turn.

Physically he is amazing, he can throw a spiral already, kick a soccer ball, and outrun and jump anyone.

Bekah= Is my academic kid. Her vocabulary is really amazing. She is wicked smart. The other day Mike was doing an alphabet puzzle and Bekah was secretly hiding the next letter he would need to continue the puzzle! She was torturing the hell out of him, and me, because I had to go intervene. Pretty clever though.

She also makes up songs too, and her's are nice songs about rainbows and flying cats. Mike's songs are about poop, butts, shooting and punching.

Jake= He knows some of his alphabet and how to count to 3! He is only 20 months old. He is very cuddly too. And funny.

Yesterday he tackled Bekah and pulled down her pants and underwear and started patting her on her bare tushy. We were all laughing so hard I was afraid Bekah was going to pee on the carpet so I had to stop him. I have no idea why he did this!


Charlotte

Before you have kids most people know that you are going to be dealing with a lot of poop. Then you become a parent and realize you had no idea just exactly how many different bodily fluids you have to deal with on a daily basis. Then you become a seasoned parent and build up an immunity to grossness. Nothing seems to make you squeamish anymore. Yesterday I found something that made me very squeamish.



We went to the usual weekend little kid's birthday gathering with mandatory jumpy house in the backyard. Jake's shoes were off due to the jumpy house and he managed to make a few runs of the backyard in his socks so they got very dirty. He was very tired after the party and on his way home instead of popping a binkie (pacifier) into his mouth he peeled off one of his filthy socks and stuck it in his mouth! Retch!




Jake is 3 rows back in the mini-van so I couldn't reach him to tear the offending sock out of his mouth and I was driving so I couldn't climb back there. Erik can't turn around in a moving vehicle because he gets car sick. I was forced to look at the below image everytime I looked in my rearview mirror. Gag!

As soon as I got home I snuck that hideous thing out of his mouth. And took a picture of it. The toes of the sock were in his mouth and he was actually sucking on it like a pacifier. This nice family owns a large dog so you can just imagine the things that sock picked up. Heave!

I guess it's nice to know I am not as jaded as I thought I was. Maybe having a fourth child will finally make me immune to all things disgusting. Hurl!