I am Alone

All 3 kids are in camp this morning! 9a-1pm M,W, and F. of this week they are in a day camp at our temple. I seriously can't decide what to do with myself.

Do I go get a mani/pedi, go shopping, drive home and masturbate with my bedroom door wide open? Nope. The first thing I did was finish filling out their paperwork, because of course I can't leave them there without it, and I hadn't done it yet. I am a master procrastinator. That took me a fucking hour and 15 minutes! Is this day camp or the secret service. Damn!

Jake cried when I left but he's in good hands, and Mike and Bekah were consoling him. I felt a twinge of sadness but it was fleeting. As soon as I saw the Starbucks sign I was over it. Now I am sitting here with my laptop, a quad shot non-fat mocha, a 1/2 eaten banana and I still don't know what the hell to do with myself.

I guess I will start with some blogging and schedule them to be posted periodically throughout the summer. You probably figured out that I gave up on my Weekly Weight Watchers recipes. Commitment is a challenge for me, probably why I didn't get married until I was 32 years old. I will post a recipe here and there, especially since I would really like to lose at least 5 more pounds before my 20 year high school reunion August 29th. But the weekly thing was an idea suited for somebody way more organized than I am.

Wednesday I do have an appointment and during this free time maybe I will go see the dentist and get my hair colored. That's not frivolity, the gray is coming in with vengenance. I believe I shall go as blonde as my eyebrows will let me. Why not?

I want to have fun and enjoy myself but I feel the need to balance this alone time with some real errands or work since my poor husband is slaving away at the moment.

Speaking of my husband we had a fight last week. We never fight. We snap at each other now and then, because we get tired and irritable but that's about it. Last week I was gently informing him that since my brother is getting married in September there are a bridal shower and a bacherlorette party on the books and I need his call schedule so I can figure out which one to go to. Of course I am leaning towards the bacherlorette party since that will be more fun. Well you think that I had asked him to serve me his balls on a platter.

He got all quiet and pouty looking and I asked him, "Are you pouting?". And he said, "A little." And I asked, "Why?". And he said, "Because you just got back from a bacherlorette weekend and left me with the kids.". "Well honey you are welcome to have a weekend alone with your guy friends too. You can go on that ski weekend with the guys from the hospital this year. As long as you stay away from the bad, slutty husbands.".

That didn't seem to cheer him up. And a few minutes later he said, "You can only go to one event! I am putting my foot down! You are only allowed to go to one event!".

At first I wanted to laugh hysterically! Then I realized he was serious. Dark anger washed over me, I had to take deep breaths, I was standing next to a block of knives, my hands were slippery from washing dishes, this could get very ugly.

Of course I was only planning to go to one event, not both. I may be a lot of things but I am not unfair. I wouldn't like it if he left me alone multiple weekends to party with his friends and family. Having kids is about sacrifice and I don't expect to have the carefree social life I used to lead. But I wasn't going to tell him that now, he pissed me off! And this wasn't drinking with my girlfriends, these are wedding events, for family, my brother!!!

I have come a long way baby when it comes to my anger management. I resisted the urge to yell and throw stuff and swear and call names. Well almost. I said, "What are you a fucking Promise Keeper?!". You know those right-wing Christian men that promise to uphold their marriage vows but really just boss their wives around? Erik said, "What?!" I said through clenched teeth, "You can't put your foot down and tell me what to do. What if this was your family member getting married? Do you think I wouldn't let you go?!." Then it deteriorated into the age old he works and I stay home and eat Bons Bons fight. Nice.

I walked away from that and went back to my Bons Bons, and dishes and kitchen floor and yelling at the kids. Then we both calmed down.

I sat on his lap and he apologized and said he was just really tired and he didn't mean to say that. And I said, "Honey I was only going to go to one event anyways, I am not an asshole. And you can go out and party with your buddies anytime, seriously, I owe you." . So we made up and it's all good!

I just didn't want you to think my life was perfect.

Getting Militant Again

I have been fired up this last week. First gay rights, now a woman's right to choose is in the headlines. I wrote about my feelings on my other blog. Check it out!

DNC

Ok so after bath and bedtime this evening I made sure that Hillary's speech was being recorded on our Tivo before I started dinner. I have to share my opinions on her speech on my blog because Erik is working at home on his computer tonight and can't be interrupted by my commentary. So anyone reading this is welcome to skip or skim the following.

So I am watching MSNBC because Fox is the evil right and CNN can be too liberal even for me. In the minutes before Hillary took the stage it was like watching the coverage before the Super Bowl. Lots of talking heads trying to guess what she was going to say while the camera was firmly lodged on Bill Clinton in the audience. Bill was sitting next to a woman I didn't recognize and was talking her ear off. What amused me was that she seemed to be leaning away from him and barely listening. This is Bill Clinton, the man who can talk the panties off a Nun. I even had to interrupt Erik to show him this and he agreed that you have to be a very hard-core lesbian to not be charmed by Bill Clinton. Sure enough about 3 minutes later this woman leaned closer, tossed her hair and smiled. You gotta love him. I mean I would never want to be married to him, he is a horrible slut, but if you have ever had guys as friends, you know some them just can't help it. Some men play football, some men play women.

That is why I could never vote for Hillary. It's ok to be friends with men like that, even date them, but you don't marry and have children with them. And if you do, once it becomes obvious that they just can't keep it zipped up, you dump them. It is your right as a mother (especially to a daughter), to set an example on how wives and mothers should be treated.

Having said all that Hillary's speech moved me to tears twice this evening. I had to endure some severe eye-rolling by my husband but I let the tears flow. The video before her speech at first made me laugh because it was so transparent in it's goal to make Hillary girlie and even kind of hot. Thumping, throbbing rock music and pics of Hillary young and in college, with long hair, and glossy lips. Too much. But then when they showed several pictures of young children and Chelsea started narrating and talking about the G-d given potential of every child...........well I took off my glasses and started rubbing my eyes.

Once Hillary took the stage in her orange power suit and started hitting all the key points, my tears dried and I started to eat my veggie pizza fresh from the oven. I kept the t.v. on and got fired up from the kitchen table as she ripped on the republicans and really plugged health care. The tears started to flow once again when she started talking about the fight for the right for women to vote. When she brought up Harriet Tubman I lost it. The several references to the 18 million cracks in the glass ceiling was pretty awesome too.

The fact that I didn't vote for Hillary and just can't put aside my personal feelings in regards to her personal situation, doesn't mean I don't respect her on some level. I have known many a smart woman who has made many a stupid decision when it comes to their personal life. Here is my double standard; I truly believe Bill Clinton is a slut but I would vote for him again, I would not vote for Hillary for putting up with Bill's behavior. It's awful, I know, but I expect alot more out of women than men. I need to change my attitude because I have 2 sons but as it stands right now I can forgive men like Bill Clinton because I believe they just have not evolved enough to be able to control themselves.

I could only vote for a woman for president if she is capable of putting a man in his place. Hillary is awesome, she has done amazing things and raised an amazing daughter. But Hillary Rodham Clinton did not respect herself or her daughter enough to get rid of a man who cheated on her with several women, including a young woman the same age as her daughter.

If only Michelle Obama would run for president, and if she was Jewish too!

Saturday Dec. 15th 2007

I have a few minutes to blog before having to get up and do stuff.

Erik, Jake and Bekah are all napping. Mike is watching t.v. and I am trying not to fall asleep. We hired this grad student to hang our art, mirrors and shelves. Erik grumbled alot for not giving him the chance to do it but now that it is done he is happy. It was done all in one day and there was no nagging, fights or yelling at the kids. Worth every penny to me.

We have a party to go to at Gymboree after naptime. The kids have a cold but it's a few days old and I think I will just de-booger them and pray they don't cough too loudly and give themselves away. Right I am going to wash all the boogers off of Mike, change his shirt which he keeps wiping his nose on and take him with me to get a bday present. I also need to drop off a jacket I bought for boy in a family my mom's club adopted.

From now until next week I will be getting ready to have about 30 people here for the Lyman/Timberlake Xmas bash. We will do some Hanukkah as well. Hopefully everybody will mix well. I might have to keep a couple of strong personalities in seperate rooms. Or maybe I will just stay out of it..........