Many Species of Jake

So this my youngest Jacob William, Jake. I tried so hard to find just one picture or image that conveyed Jake's essence but it could not be done. It's almost impossible to describe what it is like to live with a mammal so wild. We have decided he is not defnitely not human, and maybe even of another world. These are not negative labels, anyone who has ever lived with a beloved pet or thought a mythical creature was really cute knows what I am talking about. To add even more dimension to Jake's persona, he was our surprise, bonus baby. During those middle of the night, deep thought moments I often wonder if he was really sent to us and we had nothing to do with his creation. I usually snap out of it at by daybreak.



So below is pictures of Jake with comparative images I scrounged off the internet.





Directly below is Jake in the tub. We were used to Michael and his obsession with water and then along comes Jake to make Mike look like a desert nomad. The first swim lesson I took Jake to he didn't shed a tear! Most 14 month old babies would cry and cling to their mothers and sputter and cough when submerged in the water. Jake tried to jump out of my arms and into the pool on the first day. My chest was always covered in little scratches where his paper thin nails clawed at me so he could get under the water. When you stick him under water his eyes are wide open, and he is smiling. It ranks in the top 5 parenting miracles to see how he would naturally hold his breath and swim away from me like a merman, or dolphin, the first time I submerged him in the pool and let go.

So before you get comfortable and think he is the cutest thing that ever lived, he can also be insane and infuriating. His curiousity and gross factor is limitless. Today I changed his poopy diaper and it was full of sand and carrots. It was so disgusting! This was sand that he ate, not sand that got into his diaper from playing in a sandbox. He has supersonic hearing and as soon as he hears the toilet lid go up he runs full-speed ahead to burst into the bathroom and straight for the toilet. This usually involves him either getting his head peed on or if he is late he only gets to splash around in and drink the urine from the toilet bowl before it's flushed. He is also not afraid to eat trash from the garbage can, and anything he finds on the floor or ground outside is fair game. He loves to experiment with textures and make giant messes. When he is finished eating, every last morsel, utensil and dish is thrown from his high chair. Then he will fingerpaint his highchair tray, his face and his hair with any liquids or sauces left behind. He is like a mad scientist who isn't afraid of the most disgusting experiment and not afraid to use himself as a guinea pig.

Jake is also indestructible. He climbs and falls and runs smack into walls and rolls of the couch or bed like a sack of potatoes. He gets up smiling and runs away. He weighs a ton. He was only 5 lbs. and 14 oz. at birth. In 3 months he was 15 lbs. Can you imagine tripling your weight in 3 months?! Let's just say you are a 100 lb. adult (that's all my math skills can handle) and in 3 months you weigh 300 lbs, you would be very concerned to say the least. Jake is now 18 months old and weighs 28 lbs. which is not light. But he feels even heavier! Like when it's cold outside but also windy, so even though your thermometer says 55 degrees it probably feels like 40 degrees. That's Jake. I see unsuspecting adults trying to help me out by picking up Jake before he runs headfirst into trouble and they almost fall on their face! It's like he is chained to the ground or made of super dense material like moon rock. Not only is he indestructible but he is destructible. If he can't make something happen he just rams it with his head or whole body. He is our tank.

Sometimes I think Jake is our smartest kid. I have seen him use critical thinking skills to get himself unstuck before I could help him. He is an early talker and has a great memory for faces. Sometimes though I wonder. Like when he spits out water all over the kitchen floor and then slips and falls in it. I scoop him up and comfort him and put him on the carpet and before I can grab a stack of paper towels to clean up his puddle he is flat on his back again and crying. Arrrgh!

I call all of my children monkeys. They act like monkeys, and they look like monkeys. Monkeys are clever but silly, kind but mischeivious, messy but cute, active but cuddly.........I could go on and on. Yesterday Jake displayed classic monkey characteristics by escaping his cage while his keeper's back was turned. My youngest was in the backyard happily eating sand and I needed to take the cans to the curb. I was hopeful that he was so into his snack that I could get at least one can to the curb before having to lock him inside with his father. Wrong! I got only as far as the driveway before he was in the middle of the street. This is quite a distance he covered so he was hauling ass. I am not exagerrating when I say middle of the street, barefoot Jake ran straight to the middle of the street, turned right and headed for the main road. He gave himself away because he is yelling, "I did it, I did it, I did it!". As soon as I start huffing after him he actually picks up speed and starts laughing at me! Right before I grab him he turns again and heads back to the sidewalk and trips over the curb landing on his face. This doesn't faze him at all he is still giggling. So I breathlessly lug him back inside and hand him to Erik. By the time I am done with my chore Jake is tearful and despondent, another escape thwarted. His behavior is more chimp like but Jake reallys looks like a baby orangutang.