A Boy and His Sheep

Jake has a stuffed sheep that he is deeply in love with. This plush toy was orignially given to Bekah by my MIL who identified it as a monkey. After a closer look we discovered it had cloven hooves and Jake decided it was his.

My dad used to tease me that the reason I have curly hair is from the Irish sheep-herders from way back in my genetic lineage. Ha ha funny dad, but now when I witness Jake in his more amorous moments with Sheepy-Sheepy (that's his name), I wonder if my Dad's sick joke has a shred of truth. Most of the time Jake and Sheepy-Sheepy are just cute, but there have been times both publicly and privately where Jake has shown Sheepy-Sheepy some serious attention, if you know what I mean. Embarassing when it's in public and one time I walked in on him and Sheepy-Sheepy in his crib and I walked out to give them some privacy. Yikes! Jake is going to kill me for putting this into print. I will have to delete this before he starts elementary school.

One day Jake had a double ear infection and I took him to the pediatrician. He took Sheepy-Sheepy with him and Jake was so sick he slumped over Sheepy-Sheepy the whole time he was in the stroller and when I took him out for the doctor to look at him, I had to pry Sheepy-Sheepy from his arms. Very sweet.


Below is a pic of Jake whispering sweet nothings into Sheepy-Sheepy's ear. If you say the name Sheepy-Sheepy, Jake makes a squeaky sound of pure joy. Then he picks up Sheepy-Sheepy and bites his face and hugs him.

Oh Sheepy-Sheepy let me stare deep into your eyes. I love you even more than my brother's Radio Flyer Rocket. And that is some serious love.

Pure, unconditional love, there is nothing better.

Hanukkah/Xmas 2008

So the Saturday before Christmas we had a Hanukkah/Xmas party at our house. It was a lot of fun and food but probably would have gone a little smoother if I hadn't stayed out until 1am the night before.

My new mom's club had our first girls night and it was a huge success. So I know a handfull of mom's hearts just leaped into their throats. Don't worry I am not naming names or going to put in print what was discussed at this particular event. I have learned my lesson.

I do have to say that our new group of friends is far superior to the old mom's club that I had to quit. We cherry picked all the moms that are least likely to get offended or cause drama in any way, shape or form and it makes a huge difference in the quality of our gatherings. Less formal and way more fun!

So anyways I was hurting that Saturday following that gathering and when I went to take the turkey out of the fridge it was still frozen! I had put it in my fridge on Thursday and by Saturday it was still an ice cube, shit!! So I went and bought a fresh turkey and roasted that along with a brisket in the crockpot. We also did all the traditional turkey fixings as well as latkes. Everyone was so stuffed nobody had room for pie and we were left with a lot of desserts. My step-mom Cherie, as usual, was a giant help. And thankfully Auntie M made salad because we were short on any healthy foods.

Sunday we cleaned house and Monday we went to Auntie M's for some more Hanukkah, Tuesday we all went to dinner at Chevy's and Wednesday we just chilled out at home and I made reservations for an overnight stay in S.F. So Christmas morning we just cleaned house, Erik saw a patient, we packed a bag and drove to the city. It stopped raining and was clear but as cold as a witch's tit.

We checked into our room and then walked to Fisherman's Wharf. We just checked out the sights, the sea lions and bought the kids some cookies. We went back to our room and I put another layer of clothes on the kids and then we walked around until we found an Irish pub open for dinner. The kids were so tired and hungry they were actually well-behaved!

Back at the room we pretended to light the menorah and opened real gifts and then took a bath and we all went to bed at the same time. Mike and Bekah in the pull-out sofa, Jake in a pack 'n' play and Erik and I in a queen bed. Jake and Bekah slept all the way through the night!! But Mike was coughing a lot, and restless, and since I can't sleep in a hotel well without kids, I was wide awake of course. But it could have been a lot worse.

The next morning Erik and I hit the breakfast buffet and the kids ate free. I shamelessly stuck a bagel and cream cheese in my purse. Erik rolled his eyes at me.

We had the nicest waitress who insisted on coming over and trying to clean up Jake. She must think I am a horrible mother but it's really pointless to to try to clean him while he is still eating. The dude needs a haz mat suit to get through a meal instead of a bib. Which is why I brought several changes of clothes for him, so I wasn't worried about him pouring orange juice all down his front.

After breakfast we went to The Exploratorium. Best museum in the world. Some exhibits are so great they have been there since Erik and I were kids. My 3 actually lasted an amazing 2 hours before we encountered a double melt-down. Jake and Bekah hit the deck and it wasn't pretty. They were both having the kind of melt-downs where strangers try to help you. It was bad, and loud. Erik was nervously laughing, and I was shaking. We left.

Bekah fell asleep with her chin on her chest before we even hit the freeway and Jake was soon to follow.

This Saturday evening we had another nice Hanukkah party at a friend's house and had a really good time. It's nice to go to a house where you can relax and know that your children are safe and understood. It's also nice when you can pig out on good food.


Below are two pics from Fisherman's Wharf. I couldn't get Mike to sit with me so that's why I only have Jake and Bekah. Michael is going through a daddy phase right now.

Jake The Tank

So this video is from our Christmas Day trip to San Francisco. We are strolling along the wharf and decided to let Jake out to get some exercise. I just wanted to demonstrate what I mean by Jake the tank. He is a very fast and indestructible tank. He runs everywhere and just points his body forward and goes, and goes and goes. Even Mike can barely keep up and Mike is fast too.

Jake catches up to me, pushing freezing Bekah in the stroller, and see how fast I have to walk just to keep up with him. When I am alone with all 3 Jake has to be held or strapped into astroller. He will not hold your hand and he will not listen. He just keeps running full-steam ahead.

Jew Lights

I hope everyone is having a fabulous holiday and not going into further debt or gaining too much weight.

I am not exactly sure how this conversation went but Auntie M and Uncle Chrissy were discussing with Mike going out to see Christmas lights. Well recently we all went to the Oakland Zoo and saw their Christmas display, which is called appropriately Zoo Lights. I am sure you can see where this is going.

Mike often makes up his own words for things and will not budge. He calls The Incredible Hulk, Humpback and Kung Fu Panda, Fandu Panda. It's just his thing. So of course he started calling Christmas lights, Jew Lights.

So after a super yummy Hanukkah dinner at Auntie M's the other night we all loaded up in seperate vehicles and went to see the lights from this particular neighborhood here in San Ramon. One house has a sleigh in their driveway that you can sit in and watch a movie that is displayed on their garage door. And the most spectacular house has pirated (well not really I just like to say that because I have always wanted to pirate a radio station) a radio station which plays music in time to the lights on their house. Well there isn't just lights on their house but on their lawn, trees, bushes, etc. etc. Pretty amazing!

Well my oldest was not at all impressed. After waiting our turn to view the lights we pull up and Mike says, "Hey these aren't Jew lights, this is just a house!". I have no idea what he was expecting and I can't believe at 4.5 years old he is already too jaded to enjoy it!

So I went up to Auntie M's car and told them what Mike said and they all cracked-up and then we drove home to put them to bed.

I will have more on our Hanukkah-Christmas party and our overnight trip to S.F. on Christmas day.

Raiderzzzz and George W. Bush

Erik and I went to a Raiders game last Sunday and froze our asses off. It was 40 degress and raining. For the longest time I refused to budge out of our seats because if the damn Raiderettes cheerleaders can cheer in the rain then I can sit and drink beer in the rain. But obviously they are getting paid so I finally moved under cover. I have to say I am proud of my native Californians. We are sitting there freezing and soggy and all of a sudden, everyone starts sniffing and heads start swiveling, that's right somebody actually got a joint lit up. Hilarious! An only in California moment.

Raiders lost of course.

So George W. Bush was in Iraq over the weekend and an Iraqi reporter threw a pair of shoes at his head. I am sure you have seen the video a 100 times by now. I really hate the man but you have to give it to him for fast reflexes. Very impressive! Maybe he should play for the Raiders next season.

Mommy Blogging Nerdiness

Please forgive me but I got a shout out from another blog site. It's more like a whisper but it gives me another reason to continue my hobby. The site is called All Mediocre. As in all the mediocre blogs, and damn I strive for mediocrity. Go to this link below and you will see a list and my link is a sentence about "Charlotte not making friends at her son's preschool." Too funny.



http://allmediocre.com/

Jingle Bells

Every Friday is sharing day in Mike's pre-K class. And you have to share something that begins with the letter of the week. This week was "J" and I was drawing a blank. I was tired and just told Mike, "Why don't you just share your jacket?", "Mom that is lame.". Can't argue with that. Then I suggested that he talk about being Jewish and he informed me that he talked about that at snacktime. I have no idea what that means but I let it go. So I said," Why don't you just get up and sing Jingle Bells?". And he agreed!

So I taught him the Batman smells version on our way to school. When I went to pick him up this afternoon there is a window that looks into their classroom. It's one of those interrogation windows where you can see in and they can't see out. So he was the last person to share and they were all singing Jingle Bells Batman Smells. I was so proud!! The other moms were laughing too and said that was really creative. They didn't seem as amused when all the kids were singing all the way to the parking lot. Yelling it would be more like it. I still think it's funny.

Jingle bells, batman smells

Robin laid an egg

The batmobile lost a wheel

And the Joker got away

Hey!

Broken T.V.

Bekah ended up with a fever of 103 last night and I felt terrible for being annoyed at her potty training mishaps. I kept her home from school this morning and now she seems fine, no fever and torturing her brothers. She made Jake cry so hard he held his breath, turned blue and almost passed out. I had to run over and catch him and then blow on his face to make him inhale.

The lamp on our t.v. is burned out and I have a ton of laundry to fold. The connection there is that I find it physically impossible to fold laundry without the t.v. on. What am I supposed to look at? The laundry while I fold it? How boring!

Bekah's 3rd Birthday

This is Bekah with her 2 favorite gifts. Throne from Auntie M and Barbie guitar from my Dad. This is from the end of the evening and she is partied out! She had a beautiful butterfly dress on to match her butterfly theme party but she pooped all over it. Poop is actually a more appropriate theme.

Super cute butterfly and lady bug cake. Bekah is very excited as you can see. No poop on cake.

I chose this picture because I look thinner than any other picture from that night. Also nobody else's kids are in view and I don't want to post pics of other people's kids without their permission. That beer is courtesy of a dear friend and fellow beer drinking mom who gave me a 12 pack for my birthday which was last Friday.

That beer did eventually get kicked over and spilled by my oldest. When you are a parent you just can't have your beer and drink it too. At least nobody pooped on my beer.

I really hate potty training

xcuse typing jake is sitting on my lap eating teddy grahams, mike is running around talking on a banana like a phone and bekah is probably soiling her pants

potty training totally sucks and i suck at it. she actually peed on my foot today. and this was less than a minute after she got off the toilet. she came into the kitchen stood next to me and peed on my foot. i was so angry i had to walk away, my right foot going squish-squish. i wanted to scream.

what's wrong with me? why do i lose my temper so easily when it comes to potty training? whats gonna happen when i have to teach them how to drive?

bekah is my smart one too. and everyone always say girls are easier to potty train. easier than what taking out my own kidney? fuck!!

if freud was right than my kids are going to be serial killers or just plain neurotic. i even told bekah today i would buy her a maserati if she pooped on the potty. it's like i become possesed by this horrible person. i keep chanting little mantras to myself about patience, empathy, enmeshment and then i lose it and start yelling.

its like that last month of pregnancy where you seriously think you are going to be pregnant forever. you know you are going to be in a nursing home with alzheimers and still pregnant at age 85. that's how i feel today, that bekah will never be potty trained. she will be at her high school graduation and her gown will have a big wet spot on it as she steps on stage to receive her diploma.

Bekah's First Haircut

The day after her 3rd birthday Bekah had her first haircut. We went to a place specifically for kids and the woman who runs the place is a sweetheart and very talented. Even so Bekah tried to scratch her and was just plain awful. This wonderful woman managed to get it done cheerfully. She did an excellent job!

So Wednesday was Bekah's 3rd birthday and I went to bring the obligatory cupcakes to her classroom and I was there less than 5 minutes and another student fell down and started to seize and vomit. One teacher skillfully turned him on his side but everyone else seemed to freeze. So I calmly volunteered to call 9-1-1 on my cell phone. When you call 9-1-1 on your cell it goes to the CHP and that coupled with the fact that another staff gave me the wrong address may have caused a 10 minute delay in paramedics getting there.

So back in the day I used to manage a group home for severely emotionally disturbed teens, which included carrying an emergency pager, I worked in specialized foster care where I had 2 clients with a seizure disorder, and I also worked in an emergency psychiatric hospital. So I have had experience dealing with these situations. On Wednesday I just couldn't help wanting to take over and I tried really hard not to. I did end up waiting for the paramedics and going outside to help a teacher who took the initiative to take 10 kids and the cupcakes outside by herself.

I love this preschool and I admire the owners but I was concerned about the lack of protocol so being the busybody that I am I wrote them an email suggesting they review an emergency plan with their staff. It's better to be safe than sorry. Thankfully they were not offended and took my ideas plus more and the next day had a meeting with all their staff and had everyone sign off too. I am relieved. 10 minutes is a long time and this little boy turned out to be fine but what if he had aspirated some vomit and stopped breathing? Too scary to even think about.

So Erik is at the gym right now with all 3 of our savages and I am at home so I can prep for Bekah's big birthday bash. Being the big fat loser that I am, I immediately sit down and start writing on my blog. It's been awhile though and I needed to update.

Bekah's theme is butterflies and everything is pink, green, purple and orange. Very cute! All of my buddies will be here so there will be an after party for sure, woo hoo! I will post pictures later, like tommorrow later.

So I am off to clean, stuff gift bags, make appetizers and I guess I should shower and brush my teeth too.

Thanksgiving 2008

It was fabulous! I have no pics though because I always have my hands full chasing the monkeys.

My mom spent the night Wednesday night and that was great. We hit the gym Thursday morning after Triple A came and put a new battery into my van, sigh. Then we went to Auntie M's for an out of control feast! Jake had a 10 minute nap the whole day so of course by the end he was pretty cranky. Otherwise it was good, clean fun.........well Mike did stick his hand in a pile of dog poop in the backyard.

I am proud of myself for getting to the gym everday this holiday weekend but it's not going to make a dent in the calories that I have consumed. Mashed potatoes with 1/2 a stick of melted butter for breakfast is not on anyone's healthy diet. I would have to swim the English Channel to burn off those calories.

Ugh I am writing this at the gym and now I am being paged. I wonder which one of my savage kids are causing problems.

An American Bar In Iraq

So my younger brother Bill is in Iraq. Weird place for a Navy Seal since there isn't a lot of ocean in the desert, but Seals are good for other stuff too. I was talking to him this evening on Facebook, using instant messaging. I actually talk to him more now than I did when he was in San Diego because when he is at home in his spare time he is surfing or hanging out with his wife. Now that he is bored in his spare time he talks to basically any family or friends on Facebook. He also called me on my cell phone and it sounded like he was in California, it was amazing! He told me everything is monitored so basically the phone calls consist of me talking about the kids.

This evening he did say that him and his buddies are building a bar and would like bar decorations. I made some joke about building a matching still and making potato wine, which he promptly ignored, making me slap my forehead remembering that he has told me countless times everything is monitored, Duh! Anyways I do want to help our men in uniform by sending them bar decorations.

I asked my husband if he would like to donate his dogs playing poker tapestry he got in Tiajuana while at UCSD but he actually got sad and said only if Bill promises to bring it back. OMG, of course I am not going to ask Bill to bring that back from Iraq! Men get so goofy and sentimental about that shit, I knew better than to ask about the framed velvet painting of the monkey poker dealer. So I said fine then I am buying Bill a neon sign and Erik said fine.



My brother's name is Bill, when you get a chance, please say a prayer. And I don't care who you pray to, it could be G-d, Buddha, Jesus or your garden gnome just say, "Please let Charlotte's brother Bill come home intact.".
Below is a pic of Bill with my first born. They are clones. Bill has passed out watching Transformers with his first nephew.

This is Bill's beautiful wife Ari with a squirmy Bekah, Dec. 2007

This is Bill with Jake after Jake has obviously eaten a dinner of sweet potatoes and carrots. I am guessing since he looks a little orange. Dec. 2007

Fetus? But My Name is Michael

My 4 year old was asking about sex today, but he didn't know it. While taking Mike to pre-K this afternoon he busts out with:

"How come I didn't go to the wedding?"

"What wedding?!"

"You and daddy's wedding, was I a tiny baby in your tummy?"

"No honey, you weren't in my tummy yet." Contrary to what some people believe.

"Where was I being a baby at?" Uh-oh!

"Uhm, well you weren't a baby yet. A part of you was in mommy and a part of you was in daddy and when we got married then you became a baby inside me.". Please, please, please don't ask for more, I am not ready for this.

"And then I was Michael.".

"Well we had to wait a while before we called you Michael, we didn't know you were going to be a boy right away. "

"What did you call me?"

"Well when a baby is really little inside a tummy it's called a fetus."

"Fetus?! You called me fetus?! But my name is Michael!".

"But we didn't know you were Michael yet!"

"Did you call Bekah fetus?"

"Yes"

"Did you call Jakey fetus?"

"Yes"

"That's silly."

"I know. Wow, look at that big truck over there."

More Blogging Nerdiness

So I started off today feeling like vulture vomit. I stole that saying from my dad but it describes perfectly how I felt after slithering out of bed this morning. But the nausea is gone, I haven't raced to the bathroom in a few hours, I can breathe from both nostrils and my headache has subsided. My kids watched an unG-dly amount of television but I need to be healthy to get through this upcoming Thanksgiving week so a litte electric babysitting won't kill them.

While I was convalescing today I spent many hours surfing the net and reading blogs by other nerds like myself. Wow, I read some great stuff! Entertaining and intimidating. There are some WAY better writers than myself in this world. I better keep my day job.

I also added some gadgets, widgets and whatnots to my blog but half the shit I have no idea what it does or where it ended up. There is this thing called Twitter where you can enter info on what you are doing at anytime during the day, like the status update thing on Facebook. Then I added this thing at the end of my posts where you can give me instant feedback just by checking a box. I know that leaving comments for some people is confusing or too time-consuming so now you can just check a box to let me know that I made you laugh, mad or bored. Or other.

I also added links to sites that list blogs called The Good Blog and All Mediocre. But I am not really sure how those work. We will see. Start pushing buttons and tell me what happens.

Old Post Before Blog Existed

So today since I can't be too far from the bathroom I am going to be posting alot to my blog and just messing around on my laptop in general. Below is something I wrote over a year ago.This was before I started my blog so I wrote about my day's events to my mom's club, that one in San Ramon that I never belonged to. This was back when we just had fabulous women as members.

We had put our first house on the market and Mike had just turned 3, Bekah was barely 20 months old, and Jake was 5 months old. So below was one of the adventures we had in preparing our house to sell.



Hey Everyone,

This might be long sorry. Today was really crazy. Last week we had an inspection report on our house and they found a leak under our kitchen. So today we get a plumber and he finds, gray water and food debris and some fungus. So now they need a clean-up crew to clean up under the house before they can fix the leak and a general contractor to come out and rip up some cabinets and maybe even some kitchen floor.

Here is the clincher to make sure the fungus doesn't spread we need to turn off our a.c. and cover all of the vents and this is all going to take about 5 days. And the guy said that it's not good for small children or the elderly to breathe so we need to leave!!!! So I had to pack up all my monkeys and ship out. Erik came home from work to feed the kids so I could pack everything. I called Sierra Suites and ask them if they have corporate rates for local businesses and since Erik sees paitients at San Ramon Regional I get a $100. knocked off the room rate.

As soon as Erik leaves both Michael and Bekah poo. So I changed them and load everyone in their carseats and blast the van a.c. and gas the light goes on empty. Luckily there is a gas station right next to the hotel. After I fill up I pull right up to the lobby doors and unload and usher all 3 inside the lobby. Three twenty-somethings are loafing behind the counter and tell me the room will be ready in 15 min. Of course Michael and Bekah are starting to explore the whole lobby. Luckily they had a t.v. in the lobby so I turned on cartoons. Jake starts to get mad so now I have to whip out my boob in the lobby and feed him. And then Bekah poos again!

Finally our room is ready. As I am gettting my room key/card Bekah sprints out the door towards parking lot, so I sprint after her. Michael says, "That's funny!" and is cracking up. I yell," That is not funny!", as I drag poopy Bekah back in. The staff behind the counter are trying not to laugh. They give me a room on the second floor as far from the elevator as possible but the girl offers to help once I bring my van around back. So I load them all up again and drive to back door and unload a diaper bag, duffel bag, suitcase, porta crib, my boppy, Jacob in his portable car seat and 1 hyper toddler and 1 poopy toddler who is an hour past her naptime.

I get a luggage cart, load everything but the kids and push that with one hand, while holding Jake with the other hand and screaming at Mike and Bekah to get on the elevator. No staff showed up to help and I couldn't abandon the kids to go get them. When we got to the second floor the nicest guy in the world pushed the cart for me while I herded the monkeys to our room. The guy has a 4.5 month old and informed me they are only having one kid. He probably made that decision right then. When we get to the room I am dripping sweat. I turn on the t.v. for Mike and change Bekah who now has poop soaked shorts, gross! In the worst case of passive-aggressivness I walked all the way back to the elevator and disposed of the diaper in the garbage can for everyone to enjoy.

They did provide a crib so I actually put Bekah in there attempting nap.........that didn't work. But it gave me time to set up the other porta crib and send out some emails and make some phone calls. In that 45 minutes I realized this room even though it has a kitchenette and a seperate bedroom is way too small and is not going to work for 5 nights!! So I load up kids again and take them to P3 Party Place. They love it there so I get no problems from Mike and Bekah. Right next door is the Residence Inn so I go in there and give them my sob story and turns out they have a 2 bedroom place, with free bfast and a pool for only $10 more than the place I am at now! So I signed us up for that for Friday night. Now that I am a little calmer I also remember that my SIL is going camping Sat. morning. So I call her and hook up her house for Sat. and Sun. night. We will figure out Monday when we get there. I go home for some stuff I forgot and to the grocery store for some basic provisions like beer and ice cream.

I go back and get kids and come back to hotel. Repeat process from before but now with groceries. This time another gentleman holds doors for me and the elevator. Mike gets in and pushes all buttons and the man says it's a good thing there isn't 20 floors! Back in the room the kids smear mac and cheese and ice cream everywhere and now the carpet in here looks like my kitchen floor. We did our usual bedtime routine to make life as calm as possible but Mike and Bekah still cried for 30 minutes before passing out. When they finally fell asleep we could put Jake in there with them and now Erik and I are out here in the "living room" watching football and drinking beer. Michael gets this huge cozy king bed to himself and Erik and I get a sofa bed. But I didn't want Mike sleeping out here with a stove! I would rather have him flush things down the toilet than set things on fire.

Wish me luck,

Charlotte

One Minute Writer

I am going to be on alot today because I am getting up to deal with the kids and then sitting back on the couch. Poor Bekah barfed on the rug in the rec. room so I am not the only one feeling yucky. Then she turns around 5 minutes later and asks for a snack! So what do you do? As an adult if I am feeling hungry but nauseous then I limit what I eat because I know the consequences. But that's so hard to explain to an almost 3 year old. So I gave her little bits and I am watching her like a hawk. I can wash the rug but the carpet and everything else isn't as fun to wash.

So I was messing around online and found this blog called One Minute Writer. The owner picks a topic and you write for one minute. Today's topic is embarrassing moments and below is what I wrote about.


My friend and I had just finished enjoying margaritas in Capitola and decided to try on bikinis. We were side-by-side in dressing rooms and after I stripped down ,I got a great idea that I would reach under the wall and scare her. Well I squatted down naked and grabbed her ankle. Just then the sales clerk, with a customer, ripped back the curtain forgetting I was in there and exposed me. I was so embarassed, and they were shocked that I was naked and grabbing my friend's leg. My friend was laughing but I was mortified.

Sick Sunday

I totally feel like crap today. I have a headache, sinus pain, runny nose, sore throat, nausea and some bowel issues I really don't want to talk about. Moms are not supposed to get sick.

My husband was awesome and let me sleep in until 9:20a! That's like 3p before having kids. Then I let him go back to bed so he can sleep in a little. Usually on Sundays I am on the fast track to get to the gym but I just barely got the kids dressed, changed a couple of diapers, started a load of laundry and ran the dishwasher. That's nothing compared to my usual workload. It's now 11a and it doesn't look like Erik is getting up anytime soon but I am too nauseous to feed them lunch, I could barely feed them snack.

They know something is up and they are extra cuddly. I was trying to change Jake's poopy diaper and both Mike and Bekah wanted to sit on my lap. Kind of challenging to reach around them and wipe Jake's butt.

Yesterday we went to my Dad's in Sacramento for our Thanksgiving feast. There was no traffic and Jake and Bekah both napped on the way up. Mike stayed wide awake and asked every 5 minutes where we were, or are we there. And then he would say this is taking forever.

Once we got there he was thrilled to play with all his cousins. Jake brought his giant stuffed sheep named Sheepy-Sheepy with him. He then proceeded to hump it. Not a big deal but there was some new significant others there for the first time, Welome to the family. My step-sis-in-law, who has worked as a preschool teacher forever, said "Wow every year we have at least one girl who humps a stuffed animal at naptime but I have never seen a boy do it.". Jake is my special little boy.

My dad beat me at Scrabble and Mike ate nothing but pie and bread. The ride home was peaceful with Mike falling asleep in mid-sentence and we successfully transferred them to bed without waking them. That's when my stomach started to hurt and I have been hating it ever since.

I have to pull it together by tommorrow because there is multiple Thanksgiving parties at preschool, Mike is spending the night at Merrill's, my mom is spending the night here on Wed. and Thanksgiving proper is going to be at Merrill's house and I am in charge of the stuffing.

Send positive healing energies towards me.

Got Nothing To Say

So all day I am dying to know what happened last night at the mom's night out for that mom's club I never belonged to. Nothing. I finally hooked up with some friends tonight that were there last night and they gave me nothing. I guess the grill was really smoky so their hair and purses smelled really greasy but that's it. Boring!

The only remotely interesting thing that happened was that chick that was in charge of the get out and hate Charlotte campaign did contact a guest from last night to lament the fact that people sat at 2 different tables and wanted to reassure my friend that nobody was talking about the incident. My friend was like ok whatever. I happened to know, before having to quit that other mom's club that I never belonged to, that that particular restaurant is situated so that you have to sit at 2 different tables. It wasn't snobbery, it was poor architecture.

I don't think that I have mentioned here that I now belong to an entirely new mom's club. It was the idea of 2 dear friends and they let me join because I was without a mom's club. The premise is that to join you cannot be easily offended. So we have a screening process. If you don't mind talking about sex, vaginas, politics and poop then you are in. I am not publishing the name here though just in case a member of the old mom's club wants to do a drive-by.

The word is out because some of the cool chicks from the old mom's club have either jumped ship or have dual membership. Now we are having to deal with do we invite chicks who we aren't sure of their offendability?! Lame.

Oh To Be A Fly On The Wall In Livermore

This evening is a mom's night out for a mom's club I was never a member of and never had to quit because of my big mouth. If I didn't have such a big mouth I would be there right now, enjoying fondue, but now I am at home writhing on my couch dying of curiousity.

Is anyone talking shit about me? Which one of my friends will be the first one to stick up for me? Will there be a catfight where someone's shirt gets ripped off and their boob flops out of their bra? And if that happens will somebody be smart enough to film it on their iPhone and upload it on Youtube? This is fucking killing me.

Most of the chicks at this restaurant in Livermore this evening are my friends, a handfull are not. And a couple of them need to have their fondue pot pissed in by me. Dip your bread chunk in that bitch.

Sigh............ok I feel a little better. Somebody better send me an email tommorrow with an update. Even if it's all civil and boring I want to know about it.

Busy Weekend!

Last weekend was insanely busy but fun! Friday night Erik took Mike and Bekah to Mtn. Mike's Pizza for a Haley birthday party, while I stayed home with Jake. Jake tends to run into the kitchen at Mtn. Mike's so it's better for him to stay with mommy. Besides he has a snotty nose and a random rash on his belly.

Neither one of those issues are slowing Jake down at all but obviously I can't take him to the gym like that. So Saturday morning Erik takes Mike and Bekah to the gym and then to Chuck E. Cheese for another birthday party. I got Jake to take a giant nap and I did a ton of cleaning and laundry. When they all get home we load up and go to Chris and Merrill's new house for their housewarming party. Great party and the kids are having a blast. Jake did manage to take the ball out of the dog's mouth and then stuck it into some spinach dip and then licked the spinach dip off the ball. So gross! I tossed the dip in the trash and apologized profusely to the women sitting on the couch witnessing it.

We left Mike there and took an exhausted Bekah and Jake home. Erik went back and picked Mike up later and he didn't get to bed until almost 10p! He had so much fun though and was not whiny or anything.

The next day me and Jake stayed home again while everyone else went to the gym and I finished cleaning and started cooking. It was Nana Jan's 60th birthday party! We went for a kitty cat theme and put some diamond earrings into the ears of a stuffed cat toy. Very cute and she was happy. We also had a yummy cat cake and with having to skip the gym lately I am going to get fat again!

So today Erik and I were both exhausted but we had a fun weekend. The kids are hungover too.

Conversations With a 4 year old

"Mom where are we going after we take Bekah to preschool?"

"The bank, Target and then home."

"Mom"

"What?"

"I have an idea, let's go the Kid's Discovery Museum!"

"Honey that's in San Jose and too far to go today because you have school later."

"But mooooom...."

"Mike stop whining!"

"Ok but we should go to the museum because it's not foggy."

Pause while I think what the hell fog has anything to do with going to the Children's Discovery Museum.

"You are right, it's not foggy but we aren't going today."

"Where are we going?"

"I just told you!"

"Can we go to the bank with lollypops?"

"Yes"

We go to bank, get lollypops, deposit check and drive to Target.

"Why are we going to Target?"

"To get medicine"

"Why?"

"Because mommy and daddy are old and old people take medicine."

Once we get to the pharmacy Mike runs to the counter and yells "Hey is anybody here?"

"Michael! We have to wait our turn in line."

"Mom"

"What?"

"Can I have a toy?"

"No"

"Whyyyyyy?"

"Mike stop whining!"

"I am good why can't I have a toy?"

"Auntie Merrill just bought you a toy and Hanukkah is coming and you will get a ton of toys."

"Mom"

"What?"

"Can I have a treat?"

"You just had a lollypop!"

"They have a Starbucks here"

Damn he's got me on that one, I need coffee bad.

"Ok if you are really good and don't run off, you and Jake can have a vanilla milk."

So we go look at Xmas trees while waiting for my prescription.

Very loudly, "We don't do Christmas because we are Jews!"

"That's right, but the trees are pretty."

We get our beverages and then go look at toys.

"Mom I want this for Hanukkah!" Repeats this 100 times at top of his lungs.

"Mom I haven't played with one of these in ages!"

"In ages? You are only 4"

"Mom I don't have a fishing pole."

"That's because we don't go fishing."

"We could go fishing."

"Yes someday we might go fishing and then you would need a pole, but not today."

We leave Target.

"Mom"

"What?"

"I have an idea, let's go to the park."

"Actually that's a really good idea, let's go. "

One hour later.

"Michael it's time to go honey you have to eat lunch and then go to school."

"Moooooom"

"Mike stop whining!"

"Ok 40 more minutes"

"How about 2 more minutes?"

"Mom I am having fun here"

"Me too but we have to go."

We get in van.

"Can we get Happy Meals?"

"No."

"Whyyyy?"

"Mike stop whining!"

"I love Happy Meals"

"You never eat your Happy Meal! You just play with the toy!"

"Where are we going after preschool?"

"Nowhere"

"Who is coming over tonight?"

"Nobody"

"But I love Auntie Merrill, I miss her!"

"You just saw her last night honey, she is busy today."

"Where is Oliver?"

"I don't know."

"But I miss Oliver and I want to have a sleepover tonight".

"You can't have a sleepover on a school night"

"I want to go out to dinner tonight with Daddy."

"Mike stop whining! We are not going out to lunch or dinner or having a sleepover. Not every day is a party honey. We had a long weekend and had fun and we need to relax tonight."

"Mom"

"What?"

"I love you"

"I love you too buddy. You are a very sweet boy and you make me laugh."

Must Clean Kitchen

Ugh I sat down to eat a sandwich and now I really don't want to get up. Jake was up at 5:30a again so Erik let me sleep alone in the bed until 7:30a and then I let Erik nap until almost 9a. And I still want to go back to bed, I am soooo tired.


But I need to rally while Jake is napping and Erik has Mike and Bekah. I need to bust a move in my dirty house and filthy kitchen. After naptime we are going to Merrill and Chris's housewarming and tommorrow we are having Nana Jan's 60th birthday here so I need to clean now.

Ok one more thing. Some friends of friends may be splitting up. I know these people just peripherally but it still makes me super sad. Makes me appreciate my husband so much more. I just can't imagine leaving him or him leaving me. And with kids involved it's just too depressing and incomprehensible to me.

Makes me want to send Erik flowers and candy.

Blogging Nerdiness

Oh readers, or friends if we are missing John McCain, I have to report on some blogging. I have a follower. I have not an idea what that means. I won't pretend that I am technically savvy, it took me forever to find the comments on my blog. I had several month's worth of comments before I found them, duh.

But now I have a follower, a fellow blogger, another mother like me. I am averaging over 20 readers a day, and a handfull of them I don't know. But an out there in the public follower is pretty cool.

Party on,
Charlotte

Binkie Addiction

Michael is 4 years old and is way too old for a binkie (pacifier) but he mugs his younger brother Jake in the middle of the night and steals binkies from his crib. He is really sneaky about it too and we rarely catch him in the act but this morning he comes barging in my room and yells, "Mom, Bekah stole my binkie!". I just looked at him and said, "Did you just tell on yourself?". He blushed and said, "Yes.". We all laughed at him.

Can you imagine calling the cops and yelling "Hey somebody stole my weed!". You just aren't going to get very far with that.

Not My 20th High School Reunion

Ok so the guy whose package was on display may or may not be in this picture. I ain't saying. Nobody's package is on display in this picture.

I should have asked another person to take pictures of us and to take more than just one. We looked cute but only my husband looks cute in this picture. My eyes are half-closed. Thanks Merrill for the cute dress and necklace and purse. So great to have another closet to raid, too bad we don't wear the same size shoes.

Husband's 20th High School Reunion

Last night Erik and I traveled 15 minutes to Walnut Creek to attend his 20th high school reunion. He graduated in 1988 from Northgate High School in Walnut Creek. It was being held at the Marriott in Walnut Creek and we stayed the night there and it was bliss not waking up to multiple mammals in our bed.

I didn't know anyone except Erik but by the end of the night I had met some nice people. Erik was tripping out on seeing some people and they were feeling the same. 20 years is a long time. The party moved into the bar and that's when things got really fun. One guy was wasted and his shirt was untucked and his penis was hanging out. Classy. He also stuck his hand up a woman's skirt when she almost fell over. She was drunk too. That was highly entertaining.

Then I was talking to one of Erik's classmates, a gorgeous 6 ft. 3 in. woman, and this party crasher walks up to us. It was obvious because he starts saying oh yeah I am so-and-so's cousin by marriage and he is having an after party want to come. And I am like I talked to your cousin earlier this evening and he didn't mention you were going to stop by how interesting, what year did you graduate. And he says 1967!!! We started cracking up and he left. What an idiot!!

The D.J. also didn't seem to realize when 1988 was because he put on the song Hotel California by The Eagles and yells, "Hey everybody where were you when you first heard this song?". Uhm first grade?

Now I am actually getting excited for mine. Del Mar Class of 1989. Woo Hoo!

Feels the same.

So I woke up today thinking I was going to feel different because we have a black president but nope same old shit. Kind of like when you lose your virginity and you certainly don't feel more wise and womanly the next day.

The day started with way too many mammals in my bed, at a way too early time in the morning, and Bekah fell into the toilet which scared her to death and will delay potty training for another week. Jake had two poops so bad I had to change his clothes both times and it involved carpet cleaning, opening the windows and after the third time I washed my hands I still felt unclean and wanted to take a shower. I was tired and there was a ton of laundry to do and I ate too much Halloween candy.

I put on The View this morning to see if Elizabeth Hasselback (sp?) would show up and she was there and nobody beat her up. That was a little dissappointing. If I was on The View I would have got in her face and told her to, "Suck it!". That's probably why I am not on The View. And that's definitely why Rosie is not on The View anymore. Whoopie outclasses Rosie O'Donnell. There is no way she would have been able to keep her mouth shut today, that would have been awesome! Oh well.

Wow it happened!

We have a good man for president and he happens to be black. And we have a strong woman for our first lady and she happens to be black. And we have young children in our white house. These are people I can relate to. These are people I can trust. Ok yes I am a blubbering idiot.

And if asshole Bush got re-elected then you know Obama can too, which means we are going to have a good president for 8 years. Yippee!

Never, ever in my lifetime did I think a black man would be president. Honestly before Barack Obama I never thought about it at all.

Tommorrow is the Day!

Don't forget to vote tommorrow. Let's all channel Obama's Grandma. Her name is Madelyne if you need a name to pray with. Yes I am going to get all cosmic and spiritual on your ass for a second. Look this is important, not just for our country but for our planet and our planet is ruled by other planets etc. etc.

Dear Madelyne must have passed today for a reason. Her beloved Grandson may or may not be voted into the next presidency tommorrow. Now we have all heard stories, whether it be Hollywood or personal, where a sick and elderly person held on to life to complete a mission. Both Johnny Cash and Ray Charles died right before the stories of their lives hit the big screens but they had both worked on perfecting their story so the truth came out. Once they knew that was going to happen they were able to leave this planet in peace. Maybe Madelyne knew that her legacy would continue with her grandson, and she was able to leave in peace. So it's our responsiblity to make sure that happens.

Ok I will stop.


So earlier today I passed out door hangers for local Democrats with Mike and Jake. I probably broke some child labor laws but it's for a good cause. Actually they sent us out into a neighborhood in Walnut Creek where only half the streets had sidewalks, so only half the stuff got hung up because I wasn't risking my children's lives. This election is important but not that important.

Earlier this evening our friend called to talk to Erik and started asking about me and the recent drama. I was shocked realizing that a guy friend had heard about this mama drama and actually called my husband to ask about it. And of course Erik was telling him his version of events which is wrong and then joking about living with a social pariah and leper colonies etc. etc. Meanwhile I am convulsing in the corner begging for the phone. I finally get it and set the record somewhat straight, I won't lie, I can do positive spin. One of his co-workers is a member of that mom's club and mentioned some of what was going on, that's how a random guy found out. Turns out she is on my side so that was comforting. San Ramon is a small town.

Vote for Obama.

Obama's Grandma

How sad his grandma died! The grandmother that was hugely responsible for his upbringing died today.

I don't care who you support for president that is sad. I mean if you were running for president and your beloved grandmother or mother died the day before you were to be voted into office.............how sad.

Oh yeah and that other mom's club in San Ramon that I never belonged to, has to now come up with a code of conduct. That would be funny if I didn't really like the president of that mom's club that I never belonged to.

Sunday Afternoon

Well usually I check email during naptime but my inbox hasn't been this empty since the early '9o's. The advantages of being a social pariah.

I took Jake grocery shopping and what should have been a short trip was really long. But I didn't mind. Jake managed to say,"Hi", to every single person in Safeway. And since he has a big smile,big dimples, big brown eyes and big blonde curls, every single person said, "Hi", back. Even when I was loading the groceries into the trunk of Erik's car a couple driving by rolled down their window and said, "Good-bye", to Jake. He was extremely popular.

I even ran into my ex-boyfriend's mom, who loves me and is a very sweet person. Jake was adorable for her too and she filled me in on her family, including my ex-boyfriend's kids and wife. Very interesting.

This week is crazy busy. Monday I am handing out door hangers for Democrats and taking Jake and Mike with me since Bekah will be in school. Tuesday is the big day! I will be voting of course and taking my sitter Sarah to vote to make sure she does it. Then I will be meeting friends for lunch and then going to an election party at a friend's house. Wednesday I need to work-out and hopefully will not have to loot and riot. Looting and rioting will be mandatory if Obama loses. Thursday I need to get the gray covered. Friday is temple playgroup with Jake and then after that I need to get all my hangnails cut off because Erik's 20 year high school reunion is Saturday night in Walnut Creek. We are spending the night at the hotel so we can have a bed with no monkeys in it the next morning. I can't wait!!!!

Mud 2008

Honestly I thought it was illegal to rain Halloween weekend but what do I know. We need the rain so I can't complain. Mike and Bekah needed to exercise while Jake was napping. I just wish they hadn't gone up the hill and slid down in the mud. I swear I took 5 minutes to talk to Merrill and look what happens. Oh well they had fun.

Halloween 2008

This is the bull dog costume that Jake started the day off with. Then at a friend's house he promptly rolled in the mud and that was that.

Mike was a power ranger at the preschool parade.

Bekah as a pink pirate at the preschool parade.

All 3 monkeys on parade.

Jake's 2nd costume of the day. It is Mike's Spiderman from last year with the sleeves and legs rolled up.

This pic was taken after they were done trick or treating. Watch the progression of Bekah as the sugar train hits her. They were so hungover today!

It's all about me, not you!

Last night I had a dream that I was in bookstore and found one of my old journals on a bookshelf. It doesn't take Freud to figure what that meant. My blog is my online journal that I let people look at. And even though this is my intellectual property if I put the names of real people in here I have to take responsibility for that.

A few times this week I have been asked to change some stuff on my blog. The first person to do so is a beloved friend. A rational, loving, kind and well-balanced person that I would take a bullet for with no hesitation. So I dropped everything I was doing and complied with her request.

Another person, quite unlike the person described above, also asked me to do so. No. I have also received a thinly veiled threat of a lawsuit.


I know, I know. You are thinking "What?! Really?! Are you shitting me?!" No I am not. Even though this blog was originally started as a creative outlet for me some people actually enjoy reading it. I am very flattered by that. But there are also some people who enjoy reading it so they can cause drama and strife.

Some people have started to read it because it's becoming a little bit like Jerry Springer and they think it's funny, I am ok with that too. I slow down on the freeway to look at car wrecks too. But some people are reading it because they are the type fo people who like to pick scabs and then get upset when they bleed.

So today instead of sweating off Halloween candy on the treadmill I am going through my entire blog and removing names. I am using my gym's free WiFi and day care because I am paranoid enough to believe this thinly veiled threat.

I am very angry about this. After today if you read a description of a person and you think it's about you, it's not. I know the old saying is if it quacks like a duck, walks like a duck and looks like a duck then it must be a duck. When it comes to my blog that saying does not hold true. If I actually don't name it duck, then it's not a duck, it's a unicorn.


Even if you swear up and down the person I am describing is you, it's not. Even if you really want it to be you, it's not. Even if anywhere I go or groups I belong to sound familiar, they are not. It's a coincidence or a complete fabrication. This blog now exists in a identical twin parallel universe. And my universe is better than your's and crazy, psycho, drama queens are not welcome. Lawyers aren't welcome either. Unless I was already friends with them before today.

But if you are angry and just really, really have to say something to me about it. Don't email me, please feel free to leave a comment on my blog. That way everyone can share my joy. Save the drama for your mama and vote for Obama. That came from a friend but I can't put her name here anymore.

Remember it's all about me, not you!!!!!!

Been Booted

So I ended up getting kicked off my mom's club yahoo groups, a different one from what you are thinking of, and may get kicked out of the entire club. Lame. Erik has started calling me a social pariah. I know who my friends are, and most people support me, but still I feel like such a loser.

I have been kicked out of parties, bars, restaurants and classrooms but a mom's club? That is a new low.

It's possible I can write a suck up letter to the International Group of Mothers (yes that does exist), I am still pondering that idea. Not sure if it's worth the effort.

Today is Halloween and my kids are party animals! We have been to a playgroup, a preschool parade, lunch with Erik at Chili's and after naptime is a party with our friend/realtor Nicole and then back home for trick or treating. Woo Hoo!!

Ooooops

As much complaining as I do about drama in my moms club, now I am the unintentional instigator. Somebody accidentally sent my fake letter to the whole mom's club. If you don't know what I am talking about you are going to have to read the post below for history because I gotta take a shower soon and don't have time to explain it again.

So my joke letter was buried under a thread of emails that had turned to talking about the cold weather in the East. So hopefully most people won't scroll all the way down and read the original email. Ugh I was just venting I didn't want people's feelings to get hurt. Now I have caused more work and problems for our president M and her son is sick and she doesn't need this. I just hope I don't have to kiss ass or get kicked out of the mom's club, the other one in San Ramon. I will of course take responsibility for my big mouth, but it's gonna hurt.

I am going to take the kids out of town today and hide. Wish me luck.

More Mama Drama

Oh will it ever end? So I wrote in an earlier post about the drama going on in my mom's club, that is not like that other mom's club. Drama that is completely new to us as we grow larger and less intimate. I will be brief in my explanation of this new shitstorm that I have apparently caused. My friend and former President of the moms club's husband is running for water management board, and I am not using any names here or real positions just in case anyone significant reads my blog. So our club was running a poll and I made a joke saying that a poll was a great way to practice voting for next week and that we should vote No on 8, Yes on Obama and Yes on this woman's husband. So a new member I have never met or heard of, sent out an email saying that the mom's club is not a political club and that I need to keep my opinions to myself. Awesome. So I felt bad because I am causing problems for my friend who is president, M so I sent out a nice apology. That is the email directly below. Well a bunch of other moms sent me personal emails expressing disbelief that somebody could actually be offended so I wrote a fake letter just for them. That one is below the real kiss ass one that I sent out.


Dear L and anyone I offended,
As a former member of the board, I am aware of the bylaws and you are right this is not a political club. By the way the bylaws are a great way to cure insomnia, just ask Madame President M. I know she has had to peruse them quite frequently in the past few weeks and I sincerely apologize to her for causing any problems with my previous email. I also apologize to you L. and anyone else that was offended.

L. since you are new I am sure we haven't met and you may not be aware that there was a punchline in that email. Our former Moms Club President's husband is running for the San Ramon Water Management Board. Though this role is important it is politically benign and he is a super nice guy so I was offering my support. So when it comes to apologies, I don't apologize for saying vote for him. Unless of course your partner is running against him for same position and then I do apologize to you again.

L. I encourage you to participate at club events and then you can see that we are all friendly, but it's hard to tell that by emails sometimes unless you rely heavily on emoticons to express yourself. # : ) I did not make it to hoot and howl because I was too tired after having the book club at my house Monday morning, and SuperFranks was during my daughter's soccer class, and if you were at the Halloween party this morning I am sorry I didn't get a chance to introduce myself, I was chasing my boys.

L. and K. N. there is a seperate email group for our club that is about discussion ,politcial and otherwise, I forget who moderates it but if you send an email out asking you will get an answer. That group is great for getting into intelligent discussions after the kids go to bed and we all agree to disagree respectfully and learn new things from and about each other.

Welcome to the club,
Charlotte Gracer mother to:
Michael Rankin Gracer 4 years old, Rebekah Hazel Gracer almost 3 years old and Jacob William Gracer 19 months old


Below is the fake email that I didn't send, it was just my way of venting.






Dear L. and any other bitch that bursts into tears when somebody looks at you cross-eyed,

As a former member of the board, a thankless job just like motherhood, I am completely aware that I was breaking one of our million bylaws. I have to admit I was fishing people like you out of the moms club population so when we do split off I know where not to go. I do apologize to M for causing her to have to deal with more whining that seems to never end from the likes of you. Thing is M is a big girl and will probably get over it loooong before you do.

L. , and you other bitches, since you are new we probably haven't met and if we have it will probably take me a year to remember your face since all the pot I smoked in an earlier life and the ravages of motherhood have left me short on braincells. It would also help though if you actually showed up to moms club events, not like that other mom's club.Before having kids I was never in a club so I really don't understand the point of joining something and never showing up. Well except for my old gym membership. Unless you actually like to sit home in your p.j.s feeling sorry for yourself and sending out snotty emails, then by all means party on. But actually we are really friendly in person, in fact if you showed up in your p.j.s nobody would really care, especially if you bring us cookies. In fact I went to a moms club event today, not like that other mom's club, without showering and wearing one of my husband's shirts and people still talked to me. My kids looked gorgeous and we were out of the house socializing and that is what is most important.

If you and the other spazzes would come to stuff you would also maybe get some inside jokes because you would meet other moms and know who they are and that their husband was running for city stuff. I mean really if I didn't know my friend do you think I would give a flying fuck about the water management board?! No offense to you know who.

Ok really we had 4 events going on this week, you could at least go to 1! And don't fucking whine to me how hard it is to get out of the house, I am well aware of that. My morning started before the sun came up and before noon I had changed 4 diapers, fed 6 mammals if you include all my kids, me, my husband and the damn cat,made a sack lunch,dressed 2 kids and yelled at the other to dress himself, brushed their hair, took one kid to preschool while the other 2 tagged along, delivered a bale of hay and cheese and crackers to a moms club event and made sure my boys ate something besides cookies and cigarette butts, returned the bale of hay, got the van washed and vacuumed all the hay out, fed the boys lunch, dropped off son at school and picked up daughter, put her and younger brother down to nap, ate my lunch, and drank roughly 600 milligrams of caffiene. I dare you to whine to my face about how hard it is to get out of the house.

Welcome to the club,
Charlotte Gracer mother to:
Michael Rankin Gracer 4 years old honey moon baby, Rebekah Hazel Gracer almost 3 years old didn't use a condom or birth control after I stopped nursing, Jacob William Gracer 19 months old was on the birth control pill for the first 7 weeks of his gestational life.

P.S.
L. you didn't tell us your political affiliation when you sent out your brief, albeit bitchy email, so I will just take a wild guess that you won't be needing any extra No On 8 signs from my front yard. Go ahead and call me a liberal queer loving fag hag, because I have been called worse. In fact if you have been in our moms club for awhile you would know that my 4 year old has been known to call me a poopy vagina.
Peace out.

No on 8

So my SIL, Merrill, who lives in San Ramon now, called me on my cell today while I was grocery shopping. She had called to inform me that there were Yes on 8 losers on the corner of Bollinger Canyon Rd. and Alcosta with signs. Grrrr! I got all fired up in Safeway and Merrill was cracking up. I had Mike and Bekah with me and Erik was home napping with Jake. Erik let me sleep in this morning, so I was paying him back by getting Mike and Bekah out of the house so he could nap too.

The 3 of us finished our grocery shopping with only minor annoyances. Mike tried to gnaw his way through a bag of chocolate chips and Bekah tried to help herself to some cheese from the cart but I caught them both in time. Once we were in line though I did find some surprise purchases but Pasta Roni and baked Lays aren't that bad so I let them through.

Once we got in the van we took the long way home to check out these protesters. We live deep in the burbs so protesters are as exotics as elephants. Sure enough, in all their whiteness was a dozen protesters with Yes on 8 signs on the corners of Bollinger and Alcosta, a busy intersection. I told the kids that I was going to roll down the windows and honk and then I wanted them to hold up a thumbs down towards these people. I didn't hesitate to explain that these people were bad and stupid. This was shocking because stupid is as bad a word as shit or fuck in our house. But I honestly believe this is a civil rights issue and I wouldn't hesitate to call a skinhead or a KKK hoodlum stupid. That would surely be an understatement. So why not call these people stupid? They are taking away the right of marriage from consenting adults, it is stupid and hateful and it's ok for my kids to know that.

But honestly my kids are very young. Jake is 18 months old and has nary a clue of pretty much anything. Mike is 4 years old and when it comes to marriage he either wants to marry me, Jake, his sitter Sarah or one of his cousins. As far as he is concerned if you love somebody you marry them. Bekah is somewhere between Mike and Jake. I have 3 No on 8 signs on my lawn and Mike and Bekah think they are there to keep away the raccoons. I really have no desire to go much further in explaining the issue of gay marriage to them right now. I just want them to grow up and look back and say, "Wait a second it used to be illegal for gays to get married?, No way! That is so weird!! Who cares if gay people get married? Those people must be really stupid!".

Last Batch of Pumpkin Patch

Merrill and I decided to dress our monkeys up as color coordinated as possible so we could get a group photo of them at yet another pumpkin patch. My husband Erik and his sister Merrill have a living grandmother and thanks to us Estelle has 5 great-grand children. What a perfect gift for Estelle, a picture of all her great grand children to show her friends. Between 2 cameras and over 60 pictures this is as close as we could get to almost all of them looking at the same place, with most of them smiling and only Michael has his eyes closed.

This is Bekah in a jumpy house. She is looking at me through the mesh wall with her hazel eyes.

So we finished taking our group photo and Mike, Kaitlyn and Haley went on the giant slide and Bekah went in the jumpy house and now it's time to pick a pumpkin. We all spread out in our quest and I took Mike and Jake and Merrill had all the girls. Mike said, "Mom I have to go potty.", so I said, "Ok let me get Jake.". Well that took too long, so Mike took matters into his own hands, literally. I turned around to see him peeing on a pumpkin. All I could do was take a picture. It was hard to be mad at him because I was laughing so hard. Don't go to Moore's Pumpkin Patch in Castro Valley.

On Sunday I learned that yelling, "Fucking Fox News!", is not appropriate at the gym. I was punishing myself on the treadmill and at first put on CNN, but Fareed Zakaria was interviewing Queen Rania of Jordan. She was going on about how it's ok to wear a veil if you choose to. I was not into that. The t.v. at the gym is limited, it's mostly sports channels, a girly movie, a gory movie and CNN or Fox. So I switched on Fox and immediately became enraged.

The anchor men and women on Fox were besides themselves because Colin Powell had endorsed Obama. They were interviewing people on the street but being very selective. They asked this one woman about Powell's endorsement and she was all disgusted and said his motive must be because he wanted a position in Obama's cabinet. Then the reporter asked her about Palin's performance on Saturday Night Live, and this same random citizen went on to say that she was brilliant and that it was brave of her to go into the thick of it. I am assuming she meant the dark hole of liberalism that is SNL. Then they went back to the anchorman who said that they were just waiting on Obama to speak live at a rally but he was running late. And then he actually pointed out that McCain wasn't late at the rally he spoke at earlier in the day but we are going to wait for Obama anyways because we are fair and balanced. WTF! No you are not!! That's when I lost it.


A couple of people looked and I pretended that nothing happened and switched on football. Even though football is on at my house on Sundays for 12 hours at a time. I decided that I was better off lifting weights.

Then Limbaugh on Monday was saying that Colin Powell only endorsed Barack Obama because they are both black. He repeated it several times, loudly. I am not making this up. I used to like and respect McCain. But paired with Palin, he has become so simple and base. So scummy and desperate. Palin is not afraid to stir up the most hostile rancor. She is not afraid to liberate the ignorant, to validate the seemingly disenfranchised. When she is done stirring up this anger and Obama wins (please, please, please) where is this riotous mob going to go? What are they going to do?

What is November 5th going to be like?

Assorted Pumpkin Patch Pictures

This is Jake with Auntie Merrill at a pumpkin patch we went to in Livermore. I don't know why Jake looks so angry he was having a blast.

Here is my daughter looking surly. Bekah wanted to come sit with me but I wanted her to sit with her classmates. Bekah and Michael go to the School Of Imagination and Jake is on the wait list to go there too. I love this program, they have very skilled teachers and a very low ratio of students to teachers.

In the picture below I got Bekah smiling a little bit. Her and Michael were watching a pair of little old lady volunteers put on a show. Very cute.

Jake, 18 months, at the pumpkin patch in Livermore.

I bought Jake a monkey costume and as you can see it's too small and enraged him. Bekah, Mike and I tried to comfort him between laughing but he was not having it. Bekah and Mike really wanted him to be a bulldog so I went back and got him a bulldog costume instead.

I can never get Bekah to look at the camera and smile, it drives me crazy. She is a very happy smiley person, she just won't pose. In this picture we are at yet another pumpkin patch but this one is in Fairfield and you take a train to get there. Very cool.

On a hayride with Bekah, Jake, Erik and our friend Denise. Mike is sitting elsewhere with our friend Anderson, his son Merrick and Denise's husband Sheldon and their daughter Tea and twin boys Jordan and Trey. It was very windy there and the kids kept getting stuff in their eyes, next time I will bring sunglasses for them.

Me and Jake at that Fairfield pumpkin patch.

Below are my 3 monkeys at the pumpkin patch in Fairfield. It is impossible to get them to look at the camera and all smile at the same time. They are watching a children's music band of grown men dressed like pirates. They were actually good, played reggae and rock.

Yay a cute family photo where everyone's eyes are open and almost everyone is smiling.